HELP! Somebody, help me! I don’t understand this, and I don’t know if it’s because I got old or what. Perhaps senility is kicking in before my 41st birthday, but there’s a part of this Nelson Agholorrape investigation that has me so confused. First I’ll do the facts and then get to the part that confuses me.
According to preliminary reports, the rape allegation stems from a dispute over money between Agholor and the stripper who accused him. Reports are that they went into a private room for a $1400 private “dance”, but that the stripper left shortly afterward. Agholor paid her only 800 of the 1400 they’d previously agreed upon. Those are the facts so far.
Now the part that confuses me. What could she have done that was worth $800, that should have been worth $1400?!
I realize that I’m an old fart, and that my feelings on strip joints may be precluding me from having certain pieces of information. However, I’m pretty sure the private “dance” Agholor was paying for wasn’t “The Running Man” or a ballet routine. The idea was that she was going to wang dang his doodle.
As someone not new to sex, let me tell you something. Even if some woman could fuck me blind, cripple and crazy, I’m still not shelling out $1400 for a single Porkfest. I’m not saying that it should buy you multiple dips of your dork. I’m saying that young Nelson needs to apply himself and meet a nice young lady who…Eh maybe not. But he should get out there and find himself a freaky for his deaky, that he can settle down with. That way he can keep his dumb ass out of situations where he’s getting accused of rape, because he shortchanged a dancing hooker by $600 for a $1400 fuck that he could (in all likelihood), have gotten anywhere else.
Dear Nelson Agholor, you’re an NFL player. Meeting women CAN’T be that hard for you. Paying for ass is a crime in itself. Learn a lesson here. Oh, by the way: If you are less focused on emptying balls, you might catch more than 23 of them this year.
REDSKINS fans all over the place are acting as if 2015’s 9-7 season was some sort of an accomplishment. Fact is, almost everyone who writes about/covers the NFL thought they were likely to have the year they had in 2015. Let me emphasize the words “likely to have the year THEY had”. Their record was no surprise. The fact that it was enough to win the NFC East, was the surprise.
This is part of the reason that the national media isn’t claiming the Redskins will do it again in 2016. Nobody buys into the notions that A) The Redskins can even be 8-8 again or B) that that record would win the East.
When I look at who in the NFC East people are talking about, it seems to be focused on your Philadelphia Eagles and on the team in Texas. Not even new york is garnering much fan fare, but at least their fans are smart enough to keep their traps shut.
Like I said though, nobody is talking about the Redskins. It’s like they’ve become invisible. Like they’re fading away.
THE rumor that Greg Hardy might become an Eagle is exactly that. It’s a rumor and nothing more. Today I’ve been to a number of sites and blogs that ALL cite the same source (Pro Football Rumors) for the story that they have perpetuated.
In the source story, PFR doesn’t cite a source, offer a quote or even say that Hardy’s agent has called the Eagles or that the Eagles have called Hardy’s agent. There isn’t a single solitary shred of evidence to lend a gram of credibility to that article. If you had a blog and wrote the same thing, it would be just as true.
So if you’re an Eagles fan and you became worried or sick at the sight of the article, you can calm down. Until and unless you read from someplace CREDIBLE, that this is happening, have faith that your team wouldn’t do something so stupid.
For those who’d compare signing Hardy to signing Michael Vick, there are two massive differences:
1) Vick did not escape justice
2) Vick was remorseful, repentant and continues to keep his nose clean.
Signing Vick was a gamble. Signing Hardy would be stupid.
So again, you can ignore the rumor for now; and in the future be more careful where you get your Eagles information. Many sites have ads and make money off of your clicks, so they don’t care what they have to say to get you there.
AS of 5/19/16 Odell Beckham has played the Eagles four times and lost every time. In fact, in three of the four meetings, he’s failed to even reach 65 receiving yards. The only exception was the last game of 2014, when circumstances allowed it to happen. Here’s an except from my game re-cap of our 35-30 victory:
“The only CB who looked good against rookie, WR phenom Odell Beckam was Cary Williams. Whom we’re cutting, by the way! Williams drew Beckham as his assignment for most of the first half, during which Beckham caught 3 passes for 42 yards, with 3 incompletions credited to Williams’ coverage. After the half Jaylen Watkins drew Beckham, who would add a 63 yard TD catch on his way to 12 catches for 185 yards on the day.”
I just happened to notice this while making the meme you see on this page. So until Cornie Beckham pulls even vs the Eagles, anytime a giants fan brings up his name, just hold up a leash. Because we own that bitch.
WHEN the trade with Cleveland happened I said we gave up too much. Many people disagreed. Their feeling was what we gave up, is what we had to give up, to move up. They were of course, dead wrong. I of course, was right.
As usual.
You want proof that we over paid? How about words directly from Cleveland’s rookie GM Sashi Brown? He by the way, is the guy who hosed Eagles GM Howie Roseman in that horrible trade that we made. Here are Sashi’s words: “I was a little surprised we got as much as we did, but some hard negotiating and (Vice President of Player Personnel Andrew Berry) was a big help in that, keeping me at bay and not pulling the trigger too soon.”
Did I mention that Brown is a rookie in his position? Oh I did?! Okay, keep reading.
He was surprised by what he got and he should have been. In case you need a refresher, aside from swapping spots, here’s what each team got: The Browns acquired a third-rounder and a fourth-rounder in 2016, a first-rounder in 2017 and a second-rounder in 2018. We got a fourth-round pick in 2017. So for the Eagles, making this trade add up comes down to what we get out of that #2 pick.
To justify this trade, QB Carson Wentz will have to be no less than the next Brett Favre. He would have to surpass Donovan McNabb in every meaningful way. By that I mean becoming the statistically greatest QB in franchise history, while amassing more wins, playoff wins, and if not one Super Bowl win, then at least two appearances. Considering that we didn’t spend nearly as much to acquire McNabb, it stands to reason that to re-coup value for Wentz, that he has to deliver greater results. That’s just common sense and basic arithmetic. If you possess the former and can do the latter, this is easy for you to grasp.
In the event that Wentz doesn’t reach those benchmarks at some point in his tenure as an Eagle, then the trade comes down to giving Cleveland a third-rounder and a fourth-rounder in 2016, a first-rounder in 2017 and a second-rounder in 2018, in exchange for a fourth-round pick in 2017. So if Wentz doesn’t become the best Eagles QB of all-time, Howie Roseman got hosed. By a rookie no less.
DEFENSIVE Coordinator Jim Schwartz will be running a base 4-3 out of a Wide 9 alignment. This is pretty much the base look that you can expect from the Eagles starting this year:
That is what it looked like when Schwartz ran it in Buffalo and Detroit. Given his hiring here based on those successes, you can safely bet your house that that’s what will be installed here.
For Eagles fans who cringe when you hear the term Wide 9, relax. Let me show you why it’ll be different under Schwartz than it was under Jim Washburn.
First we have Washburn’s version:
Note the position of Safeties Nate Allen and Kurt Coleman. They are in no position to help the Corners deep. At that time if you recall we played an aggressive man-press coverage. Remember how often Nnamdi Asomugha and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie were beaten deep? Man press is only good up until you lose that press. Once the WR gets that step, the CB has to trail him. At that point Qb’s would just lay the ball out in front of the receiver. With no help deep it was a set-up. We got crushed by the same trick over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
Now we have Schwartz’s version:
Do you see where the Safeties are? So the QB can’t just flip the ball out there. He has to hold the ball and scan for the open man. Every second the ball is held it gives the Defense a greater opportunity to make a play by reaching the passer. Our current CB’s Eric Rowe andNolan Carrollaren’t as talented as Asmougha and DRC, but due to having help deep, they’re going to look a whole lot better.
And so will the Defense.
For a while I’ve been hoping/praying/screaming for a switch from the Single-high Safety look to one that uses two deep Safeties. Finally we did it. Now it should make the Wide 9 everything it could have been in 2011-2012.
WE looked at the first three rounds in Part One. This here is the FULL report.
ROUND ONE: Carson Wentz(QB) – I see Eagles fans everywhere talking themselves into this guy. Don’t get me wrong, he seems like an okay guy, and gives a pretty good interview. But hey! He’s still a #2 overall who’s supposed to sit on a shelf for a year or so. Why would you sit a rookie QB? So he can watch and learn. Learn from who? GOOD QUESTION! People point to Aaron Rodgers sitting behind Brett Favre as an example, but last time I checked, Sam Bradford was no Favre. And neither is Chase Daniel. The bottom line here is that we traded the farm to draft a kid who won’t help us improve on last years 7-9 mark. Conversely he also won’t improve while contributing to a worse record this year. Grade: C-
ROUND TWO: I’d love to discuss this pick but, well…ya know… (sigh)
ROUND THREE: Isaac Seumalo (G) – I watched some game tape of this guy vs Arizona and was blown away by how poor his hand usage is. Add to that just 19 bench presses at his pro day (not the Combine). I’m left worrying about the longevity of a 303 pound Guard who has poor hand instincts and little upper body strength. Grade: D
ROUND FOUR: Let’s play everyone’s favorite game! Waiting for Round Five!!!
ROUND FIVE (A): Wendell Smallwood (RB) – Having read the tweets he put out badmouthing Philly and calling 75% of the men here gay, I wanted to be able to say that this guy sucks, is just a camp body, and that he’ll never make it in the NFL. After watching some game tape (not a highlight reel), I have to say that he’s a pretty ordinary RB. He can get you some good gains if the holes are there, but he’s not a creator in the LeSean McCoy mold, despite having a similar build. He also gets run down from behind with open space still in front him. He has the look of a camp body, but considering our lack of depth, he may giveKenjon Barner a real run for his money. Grade: C-
ROUND FIVE (B): Halapoulivaati Vaitai (T) – I know I’ve been giving these picks some pretty unexciting grades, and this one is no different. Seriously watch the tape and tell me why I should be enthusiastic. This isn’t me being mean. Look, Carson Wentz will pay the price if we don’t get him good protectors. This kid here watches too much football when he should be playing. He’s sluggish off the line, and doesn’t believe in finishing his blocks. Seriously, watch the tape and see how often he takes halfhearted swipes at his man, fails to latch on, or maintain control of his assignment or area. Grade: D-
ROUND SIX: Blake Countess (CB) – There are some highlight tapes of him, but I need a game tape to really evaluate a player’s habits. Since I couldn’t find any on him, I can’t form a solid opinion. What I can do is give my general impression of his situation with the Eagles. He’s a 5’9” Nickel CB, on a team with veteran depth. Even if he sticks he adds nothing we don’t already have. This is a wasted pick. Grade: F
ROUND SEVEN (A): Jalen Mills (FS) – Tackles with an exaggerated looping motion to his arms that may get him killed in the NFL. Stops his feet way too much when diagnosing from the Nickel spot. As a FS doesn’t hit his run fits and is hardly a factor in coverage. As a Safety you have to make your name either being able to cover really well or being known to take guys heads off. This player does neither. Grade: D
ROUND SEVEN (B):Alex McCalister (DE) – At 6’6” 239 he’s too thin to play DE at the pro level, as he already could be manhandled by blockers in college. That said, the guy is explosive and seems to prioritize setting the edge over rushing the QB. He also turns his hips and runs pretty well. If he can translate that to OLB, we could have a steal here. Even if he only develops into a situational player. Grade: B
ROUND SEVEN (C):Joe Walker (ILB) – No game film. We need players at this position. Grade: C
ROUND ONE: Carson Wentz (QB) – I see Eagles fans everywhere talking themselves into this guy. Don’t get me wrong, he seems like an okay guy, and gives a pretty good interview. But hey! He’s still a #2 overall who’s supposed to sit on a shelf for a year or so. Why would you sit a rookie QB? So he can watch and learn. Learn from who? GOOD QUESTION! People point to Aaron Rodgers sitting behind Brett Favre as an example, but last time I checked, Sam Bradfordwas no Favre. And neither is Chase Daniel. The bottom line here is that we traded the farm to draft a kid who won’t help us improve on last years 7-9 mark. Conversely he also won’t improve while contributing to a worse record this year. Grade: C-
ROUND TWO: I’d love to discuss this pick but, well…ya know…
ROUND THREE: Isaac Seumalo (G) – I watched some game tape of this guy vs Arizona and was blown away by how poor his hand usage is.
Added to that is just 19 bench presses at his pro day (not the Combine). I’m left worrying about the longevity of a 303 pound Guard who has poor hand instincts and little upper body strength. Grade: D
ROUND FOUR: (PRESUMPTIVE) This round hasn’t happened yet, but I sense a repeat of Round Two coming on. Trading a player to get in on this round might not be a bad idea.
BUTTHURT. That is the way I felt when the Eagles decided to go against all common sense and re-sign “quarterback” Sam Bradford. I’d predicted all the while that Bradford wouldn’t be our QB in 2016. I was so sure. There wasn’t a single reason to bring Bradford back. Not one. So when it was announced that we’d done it anyway, I was mad enough to shit myself two new assholes.
His contract had expired! We had been freed! Logic had already applied a thick layer of grease to the streets of Philadelphia. All anyone had to do was give Bradford the slightest shove, and he’d have slid all the way from his locker to the airport. But General Manager Howie Roseman chose to re-sign him. And then gave away the farm to to get the number two pick in the Draft to try to replace him. This left us all saying “Wait. What??”
My thinking is that Roseman could have moved up to that number two pick without tying up so much guaranteed money in a guy he didn’t want to keep anyway. Then again I’m not an NFL GM. What the hell do I know, right? And don’t even get me started on Chase Daniel. Remember him? Well if you do, that probably means you’re somehow related to him, because to this point in his “career” he’s been utterly forgettable.
The idea here was to draft a QB and let him sit behind Bradford and learn for bit before taking over, like Donovan McNabb did behind now Head Coach Doug Pederson. Like Bradford, Pederson was a lackluster NFL QB, but it worked out for McNabb. Then again McNabb’s Head Coach (Andy Reid) was (and still is) an offensive mastermind. Whoever sits behind Bradford would be sitting behind a mediocre QB without an Andy Reid on the staff. So be prepared for this time around to work out somewhat differently. (If indeed the Eagles do select a QB with that pick. There’s some back-channel chatter.)
The way I see it, we can trade Bradford, and let the rookie QB sit behind Daniel. I mean mediocrity is mediocrity, right? Why split hairs over which of two piles of dog shit tastes worse? It’s all dog shit, and they shouldn’t be making the fans eat any of it!
I still think Bradford can help the Eagles for years to come. If the Eagles trade him to Dallas, he can become Tony Romo’s successor, and throw checkdown after checkdown, effectively neutering Dez Bryant for the remainder of the contract he held the Cowboys hostage to get from them.
I don’t care what we get for him. As my friend King Danny from NFC EAST IMPERIAL said “I don’t care if we get a ham sandwich for him”. I have to agree with that. I don’t care what we get for him. So long as we can shoehorn him onto a rival’s roster. But the bottom line is fuck that whiny bitch. If Bradford wants to go, I hope Roseman makes him and Eagles fans everywhere happy, by granting Bradford his wish.
RETURNING GM Howie Roseman reclaimed his throne in grand fashion. He ridded the team of a number of players added by the former head coach. He also took the Eagles from the 13th spot in the draft to the 8th and then to the 2nd. On paper that second part looks damned impressive until you look at what he had to give up to get there.
The part that keeps eating at me as I replay his Q&A explanation for this trade over and over in my head, is not WHAT he had to give up, it’s WHY he felt compelled to do so. He mentioned that the team’s Draft position is rarely in the top ten. So when he managed to get from 13th to 8th, the organization felt that getting to 2nd was a must. They were concerned with how rarely they get this opportunity.
Therein lies the rub. The reason for not being in the top ten is generally because your record was too good the prior season. The Eagles simply aren’t bad enough, often enough, to need serious help. Or so the thinking goes. So the franchise operates with a sort of “Time to re-stock the shelves” mentality.
Under Owner Jeff Lurie there haven’t been many years where (like the Browns do) we have to take a hard look in the mirror, scrap everything and change the entire formula. Even after we went 4-12 under Andy Reid, we hired a new coach and went 10-6 the following season. We didn’t fire our “Dream Team” GM. Even the prior season’s starting QB Michael Vick didn’t change. We went 4-12 and said there was no need for a rebuild. And though I’ve been saying we’ve needed one since 2009, the Eagles going 10-6 the next year, made most people think a rebuild wasn’t needed. The following two seasons however, have increased the number of people who agree with my 2013 assessment.
It begs the question, are the Eagles victims of their own success? Roseman said in the same Q&A session “for us we want to get into a position where in the near future we have an opportunity to compete every year”. An opportunity to compete every year is what Lurie said he wanted his team to have back in 1994. And we’ve been VERY competitive since then. But we have at no point been stripped down and reformatted with the singular focus of winning it all. We’ve been trapped in this Twilight Zone of “good not great” for two decades now.
And now?
You can’t debate that picking QB Donovan McNabb #2 overall in 1999, led to the most successful stretch in this franchise’s 83 year history. That’s fact. So it’s no wonder that Lurie thinks that he can duplicate that swell of success, by picking another QB #2 overall. Also like 1999 there is a Head Coach in Doug Pederson who has experience in developing QB’s. In fact, Pederson was the QB who as a player mentored rookie McNabb in 1999! It’s practically kismet.
The “Competitive” model produced the greatest Head Coach (Reid) and the greatest QB (McNabb) in franchise history. However we’re now repeating a model that has also only produced 1 Super Bowl appearance in 22 years (since Lurie made the ‘competitive’ statement.) And the spot on the shelf where that Lombardi trophy should be, now has a pile of dust on it as tall as the trophy itself.
I’m hoping that after Doc Brown selects our QB, that the Front Office has some new tricks up their sleeves for this go ’round. This is Andy and Donovan 2.0 and we’ve already seen how version 1.0 ended. This time around “good enough” cannot be good enough.
EAGLEMANIACAL.com 