Categories include an EXCLUSIVE weekly Offensive Line Report (Rushing TD’s (6 points)+ 3rd downs converted by handoffs(1 point) + sacks allowed (-2 points)= score); as well as Drive Killer (Int – FR – 4th down Tackles – FF – TD).
New Category Ace is for Kick return TD’s, Returners run-down, kicks blocked, etc.
Offensive Line Report/Enforcer : (6 + 1 – 2 = 5) C Jason Kelce
Drive Killer : (S) DE Josh Sweat(0 – 0 – 0 – 1 – 0)
Sack Leader : (S) DE Josh Sweat (2 – 1.0 – 0 – 1)
Ace : N/A
****
I hear you asking, “What about all the stuff that stats don’t reveal?” Well, that’s the reason for these Four Things articles. It’s to point out what we need to address BEFORE the game. Then AFTER the game, there’s a no-bullshit assessment of whether or not the Eagles did any of what they needed to do, to ensure the win.
So how much of what I mentioned in Four Things: COMMANDERS did the Eagles actually get around to doing? Well let’s see:
1) Set hard edges: Can’t really complain about this one, though. Washington didn’t do a great job of running the ball (44 – 142 – 3.2 – 1 – 0), but they did commit to it. So it was enough to do two very important things A) Keep the ball out of our Offense’s hands; and B) Tire out our Defensive Front seven.
We wanted Washington to run inside, and Washington wanted to run inside. So in a weird sense, both teams got what they wanted. At least on first and second downs. There were many third downs that were marked as 3rd and 1, that were more like 3rd and a foot, foot and a half. Unfortunately, even though these runs happened where we wanted, those were easy to convert, and kept our Defense on the field. Still we kept most runs bottled, and no one broke anything crazy. (DONE)
2) Invert the Pocket: Nawp! Their QB not only made a habit of getting the ball out quickly, but we didn’t push the pocket in the middle much. That’s a little harder to do, when a defensive lineman is gassed from eating double helpings of run blocking.
Of course, our pass rush wasn’t helped at all, by all the off-coverage that was called in this game. For half the game, I had trouble figuring out who Defensive Coordinator Jonathan Gannon wanted to win the game. There was more heat in the second half, but by then Washington had a full head of confidence. (NOT DONE)
3) Run the Ball More:In our victory, there were 21 hand-offs, so in this one, the order was for MORE of that. Instead, in this game there were just 14 hand-offs, with all of 2 (to two different RB’s), in the first half. (NOT DONE)
4) Devonta De Decoy: I said that if Washington doesn’t shade to whichever side WR Devonta Smith (8 – 6 – 39 – 6.5 – 1) is on, then the Eagles should do what we did in the first game and, let Smith put on a clinic. And we did just that!
Sadly, with us not running the ball, Smith didn’t have as much room to operate and ended the night averaging under seven yards per catch. It also created no room to roam for the other receivers. So this was clearly done, but the spirit of it was corrupted by a lack of commitment to core football. (DONE)
****
Despite doing 2 of the Four Things, we lost still lost the game. Next week do battle with the NFL’s strangest situation, as we travel to Indianapolis to take on the 4 – 5 – 1 Colts.
****
On The Whole:
This game was a well-deserved loss. The Eagles did everything they could to lose this game, and the more I think about it, the more grateful I am for the loss. To non-Eagles fans that will come across like bullshit. Fuck ‘em. As an Eagles fan, keep reading and you will soon get where I’m coming from. (And you’ll likely agree.)
Right now, it’s 3:33a.m. I’ve changed the cat litter, grabbed a shower, and put dinner in the crock-pot. My point is, before I started writing, I had some time to think, instead of just writing in the moment. So much of that game didn’t sit right with me, and eventually I figured out what it was. It felt like Chip Kelly was coaching.
Remember scoring quickly and leaving the Defense out there, unable to get off the field? Remember having our Defense grow more and more tired as the game went on? Then there was Gannon doing his Bill Davis impersonation. Big time talent at CB, playing on huge cushions, making sure that we couldn’t get pass rush. Remember two seasons of 10 – 6, that led to zero playoff wins?
I would rather lose this game, and have Head Coach Nick Sirianni learn that he can’t get away with Kelly-ing, then to have him (and the team), think that this is a viable formula. Take the loss now, so that we don’t try this shit in the playoffs. Take it now, so that we don’t take it against a Colts team, coached by a guy with a 20 – 16 high school coaching record.
Look, we got away with sleepwalking against the Texans last week, which is probably why we came out so flat this week. We got away with it last week. Taking this loss to an inferior Washington team is embarrassing, but not humiliating. It’s a decent wake-up call, but it won’t wreck anyone’s confidence. It’s just a hard slap in the face.
Better still, teams are going to look at this as the blueprint for how to beat us. Heavy run, control the clock, get turnovers from each of our top four receivers. There are no subtleties about that formula. Nothing is nebulous. Everything is broad. So it gives the Eagles things to work on both as a Defense, and as an Offense.
It gives us some specific things to focus on, which could go a long way to fixing the problems we’ve been having all season long. Things like not playing well for four quarters. Taking our foot off the gas. This loss could make us stronger than we truly were, when we were undefeated. So I’m grateful that it came exactly where it did.
There are no moral victories here. This isn’t about silver linings. In fact, if we don’t put in the work, there’s no reason for optimism. However after this, if this team puts in the work, our best football will be here shortly.
ARMING for a Super Bowl run. That’s the whole point in making a mid-season trade. It’s getting that last piece, which should put your team over the hump. It’s shoring up a glaring weakness, or giving an obvious strength the Barry Bonds treatment. It’s saying “Damn the consequences. I’m all in!”
Defensive line and pass rush, are already deep and dominant areas for this Eagles team. There isn’t an NFC team that can beat us now. Adding Dallas Cowboys DE DeMarcus Lawrence to this team, would almost act as a reservation to play in the upcoming Super Bowl.
Understand, this move is highly unlikely at the moment. The current NFL playoff structure includes seven teams, three of which are Wild Cards. If the playoffs started today, Dallas would be in as the sixth seed. With playoff hopes still alive, no team is parting ways with a player like Lawrence.
That said, the November 1st trade deadline is two Cowboys games away from now, and currently there are six, 3 – 3 teams in the NFC. The math will turn suddenly and sharply for at least one of these teams. If the the 4 – 2 Cowboys split these next two weeks, they’d be 5 – 3. If they drop both, they’re 4 – 4 with a very murky franchise picture going forward.
Get this: Lawrence is 30 years old, and set to count 35M$ against the 2023 salary cap. He last had a 10 sack season in 2018. Since then, he’s put up 5.0, 6.5, 3.0, and currently sits at 3.0 through six games. This year, that’s half a sack per game. Over seventeen games that projects as just 8.5 sacks, and he’s under contract until 2025, when he’ll be 33.
Hell, with DE’s Chauncey Gholston and Sam Williams waiting in the wings, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones might welcome a chance to dump Lawrence’s contract. Especially if he can get us to cough up a second rounder and fourth rounder in 2023; or a 2023 second, and a 2024 third.
For the Eagles it would also work out well. Part of Lawrence’s production issues have to do with him never having an interior presence like DT Fletcher Cox. With OLB Hasaan Reddick on his left arm, and Cox on his right, there may not be enough players left to block him! Lawrence isn’t a long term building block, but he can be this year’s Chris Longor Michael Bennett, and really help further a playoff run.
As far as figuring out the money, The Eagles are already projected to have a loose estimate of 11M in cap space for 2023; they should have about 10M in rollover; and no one knows exactly what the cap ceiling will be. Also General ManagerHowie Roseman can take a bad contract, and turn that water into wine. So if you think of the money as an impediment, DON’T.
I’m writing this on my personal laptop, with my work laptop open to my lock screen. The picture on that screen, is of the Eagles 2018 parade. Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles is holding the trophy in the air, as the bus travels (the wrong way) on 15th Street. Crazy thing is, I’m in this picture. (Don’t look for me. Even I can’t make me out in this shot, and I know exactly where I’m standing in it.)
Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles holds up the Lombardi trophy, in front of the Municipal Services Building. Kevin Bacon’s father Edmund, designed it. FYI: When this was taken, I was standing across the street from it, with no clue that I’d ever work there. I work there now. Life can be funny.
This trade would put us in a real position to see another one of these, at seasons end. Again, this move is highly unlikely at the moment. So share the shit out this article! Spread the rumor! Speak it into existence. We have two weeks to get it to the right set of ears, and maybe make it happen. Be that 12th man, and I’ll see you on in February on 15th Street.
GENERALLY when I talk football, it’s about my Eagles. I tend to keep mum about our rivals, unless we have a game coming up against one of them. Otherwise, I’ve reserved most talk about them for my Pre-Draft Preview,which drops each April. (Look for it!)
In 2017 however, I decided to try something new, and give our fan base a running commentary of what the division is doing around us. This ensures that Eagles fans actually are the NFL’s best informed, and most knowledgeable fans. (Provided that you visit this site often.) These updates will come out three times during the season: After Weeks 6, 12, and 17.
*****
This is where things are today:
Washington Commanders:2 – 4, 4th place
The Commanders score 17 points per game and give up 22. That’s the whole story with this team. That’s it. Per game, they are one stop and one score away from being a winning team. However, their big problem, is poor team culture.
The initial tone for team culture, is always set by the head coach. In this case it’s one of easy answers and finger-pointing. Where you have finger-pointing, you will also find low accountability, and a lack of unity. This was demonstrated by head Ron Rivera, when he was asked about why his team was behind other teams in the division, and he responded with “Quarterback.”
He could have said “Injuries.” His team’s best RB, Brian Robinson was shot prior to this season, but he fought to come back; and has just made his first start in one of this team’s two wins. Their best defensive player, DE Chase Young has been out since last season. They’re missing two-fifths of their offensive line.
Yet Rivera went with “Quarterback.”, seemingly dumping the whole mess on QB Carson Wentz. This is despite the fact that Wentz was traded for, because the team was already a mess, and they were hoping he could help clean it up.
With this noise going on, you’d never know that even without Chase Young, this team has five players with at least three sacks. You’d never know that this team is 57% in the red zone. You’d never know that Carson Wentz leads the division with 10 touchdown passes, despite being sacked 23 times already.
QB Taylor Heinicke won’t have anyone to pitch woo to him in 2022
Oh! Speaking of sacks, Wentz has a broken finger on his throwing hand, and QB Taylor Heinicke will be the starter for at least the next three weeks. Also, there is no firm date for Young’s return, and the NFL is preparing to remove the owner, from the team with the stadium that literally shits on it’s fans.
President of the Cooper Rush fan club.
Dallas Cowboys:4 – 2, 3rd place
While losing to Tampa Bay, in the season opener, QB Dak Prescott broke his thumb. A disaster for some teams, but not for the Cowboys. Stepping in for Prescott, was the man, the myth, the legend, the inevitable Hall of Famer, QB Cooper Rush. Like a velvet Mona Lisa hanging in an Applebee’s restroom, he was truly magnificent!
Rush scorched NFL scoreboards from New York to Los Angeles (both were road games!), with four touchdowns in only four weeks, whilst leading the Cowboys to four straight victories. Ever the perfect professional pocket passer, he ran only when he needed to, racking up 9 yards on 9 carries. You could not stop him, you could only hope to contain him!
Coming along for that four game ride, was the Cowboys 3rd ranked defense, which allowed 13.5 points per game, over that stretch. It was nice to see them making their small contribution to Cooper’s cause. OLB Micah Parsons racked up 6 sacks, and was being compared to Hall of Famer Lawrence Taylor. It was four weeks of utter bliss!
Then there were some troubles in Philadelphia.
Unfortunately, in Rush’s last start, the clock failed his comeback effort, by not providing him with enough time. Also, there may or may not have been, three interceptions thrown by Rush. But this isn’t about assigning blame. Besides, it was Parsons fault for letting down Cooper and therefore the whole team. He isn’t nearly as good at getting sacks, when he’s made to cover receivers. There is simply no accountability with him.
So the Cowboys fell from 4 – 1 to 4 – 2. Sadly enough, Dak Prescott gets the start this week vs. Detroit. Even if the Cowboys win, it won’t be the same. There won’t be that Rush that fans get when Coopity-Coop is out there.
New York giants:5 – 1, 2nd place
Even though the prior two teams are absolute circuses, the giants are the team that makes me laugh the hardest. The funniest part is that nobody else seems to see it yet. Not the team, the media, most fans… It’s an absolute riot! After this article you will totally have a different take on their season. I guarantee it. (In my head, I can hear Bill Burr reading this article, and it’s fuckin’ awesome.)
When a team falls short in the playoffs, they go out and get more offensive or defensive firepower. They add a WR, or a TE. Maybe beef up the o-line. They add a pass rusher or strengthen their secondary. Maybe replace a shaky Kicker. The part that double-digit win teams don’t monkey with, is the QB.
A team’s entire offense runs through the QB. Everything from his pre-snap read, his cadence, his way of processing checks, the way he wants the ball snapped, the way he reads a defense, who he relies on in certain situations. And then there’s the idea that the new QB has to learn an entire play-book, and new players, while playing what would be a tougher schedule.
So winning teams don’t mess with their QB situation.
Hey, did I mention that the giants opted to not pick up the fifth year on QB Daniel Jones’s rookie deal? I didn’t? Well, the giants opted to not pick up the fifth year on QB Daniel Jones’s rookie deal. That makes him a free agent after this year. So now if they want him to come back in 2023, they have to pay the guy more than they would have, if they’d just picked up his 22M$ option.
Sometimes winning is worse…
So the giants are on the verge of either giving Daniel Jones a multi-year contract, for more than 27M$. Or, if they don’t, they have to start all over, and hope that the next guy isn’t worse. What do I mean by worse? Do you see what’s happening with QB Russell Wilson in Denver? Or they could draft the next Ryan Leafwhile hoping for a Peyton Manning.
If you’re a fan of the giants, your team is either teasing you with ONE good season, or damning you to four more years of Jones. He’s either your starter next year, or he isn’t. There isn’t a third option! Oh yeah, right now RB Saquon Barkley leads the entire NFL with 771 yards from scrimmage. (Had I led with that, giants fans would have been on the ceiling. Mentioned now, it hardly matters to them. Which goes to show, you can troll a fan base with good news.)
Now if you’re a giants fan, every win will seem like a month added to a prison sentence. If you’re a rival fan, every win makes you giggle a little. Even if they beat your team, there’s sort of a silver lining there, because you know you’ll get ‘em next time. A ten win season is the worst possible scenario for their front office. Imagine having to justify dismantling a ten win team, to 8.8 million people. That’s what they’re facing if they keep winning!
Oh yeah, and their defense is playing extremely well. Ranked 7th in the league! (To giants fans, that just felt like a stab wound.)
*****
So that’s the state of our division rivals as our Eagles head into the Week 7 Bye. See ya in six weeks everybody!
RB Miles Sanders draws first blood on 5 yard TD run
KING of the fucking NFL hill! STILL!
EAGLES 26 – Cowboys 17
EAGLES STATS:
Categories include an EXCLUSIVE weekly Offensive Line Report (Rushing TD’s (6 points)+ 3rd downs converted by handoffs(1 point) + sacks allowed (-2 points)= score); as well as Drive Killer (Int – FR – 4th down Tackles – FF – TD).
New Category Ace is for Kick return TD’s, Returners run-down, kicks blocked, etc.
Rushing : (S) RB Miles Sanders (18 – 71 – 3.9 – 1 – 0)
Receiving : (S) WR A.J. Brown (8 – 5 – 67 – 13.4 – 1)
Offensive Line Report/Enforcer : (1 + 1 – 4 = (-1)) / NA
Drive Killer : (S) SS Chauncey Gardner-Johnson (2 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0)
Sack Leader : N/A
Ace :K Jake Elliott: 51 yard FG
****
I hear you asking, “What about all the stuff that stats don’t reveal?” Well, that’s the reason for these Four Things articles. It’s to point out what we need to address BEFORE the game. Then AFTER the game, there’s a no-bullshit assessment of whether or not the Eagles did any of what they needed to do, to ensure the win.
So how much of what I mentioned in Four Things: COWBOYSdid the Eagles actually get around to doing? Well let’s see:
1) Score points:I said three touchdowns should put this game out of the Cowboys reach, and it did. Hell., the 20 points we’d scored by half-time, were enough to win the game. Our Eagles are not the offensively challenged weaklings, that the Cowboys schedule had been feeding them.
If anything, this game highlighted all of the Cowboys offensive shortcomings, which had heretofore been washed aside, due to the fact that they were winning games. In any case, mission accomplished.(DONE)
WR A.J. Brown showing that all 11’s are not created equal
2) Drop the Mic(ah): While the world was probably looking for a blocking scheme designed to double OLB Micah Parsons (4 – 0.0 – 0 – 0) all day, the smarter thing was to punish the Cowboys for trying to “fake the funk”. Dallas lines him up at LB, but uses him like a lineman. They think it’s clever, but it just means that down in and down out, they won’t have a LB out there, doing LB things. We penalized that. And how!
The idea was to use TEDallas Goedert (5 – 2 – 22 – 11.0 – 0) to either force Parsons into coverage, or beat him with short passes. Well, using more than just Goedert, we did both. Parsons had a couple of hurries once RT Lane Johnson left the game with a concussion, but he had no sacks, and he was beaten by A.J. Brown for a 15 yard touchdown. (DONE)
3) Stay At Home:This was done fairly well in the first half, and completely abandoned in the second. Particularly on the right side of our Defensive Line. The containment was soft. There was no edge.
I was also frustrated with the slow adjustment to the Cowboys double teaming DT Fletcher Cox (3 – 0 – 0 – 0). Using DT Jordan Davis (1 – 0 – 0 – 0) to bullrush the opposing C, would have been the ideal counter. It would have localized the double team and given MLBT.J. Edwards (8 – 0 – 0 – 0), some clean shots at the ball carrier. Instead, we got the ball run down our throats for 134 yards. (NOT DONE)
4)Rush Rush: The idea was to force QB Cooper Rush (18/38 – 47.3 – 181 – 1 – 3) to reset his feet, and not allow the plays to run on schedule. The Cowboys like to roll him out so that he can 1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi 3 Mississippi and throw, after the route has developed. Which says that he always knows where he’s going with the ball.
So instead of trying to fool him, the coverage was kept tight, which made every throw about whether or not he had the zip to get it in. Well, his weak arm is partly what kept him undrafted. One late pass was deflected and picked.
SS Chauncey Gardner-Johnson with one his TWO thefts
Another was flat-out picked.
CB Darius Slay gallops in front of a pass and picks it off.
Another was badly under-thrown and picked before it could be incomplete. (DONE)
****
This week we got 3 of the Four Things done, and so naturally we also got the ‘W’. Next week we have a way too early Bye Week, followed by a visit from the Pittsburgh Steelers, who have given a rookie QB the keys to the kingdom.
****
On The Whole:
Despite the game announcers talking about a “momentum shift”, when Dallas finally managed to score a touchdown in the third quarter, this game was never as close as the score. What had happened was, the Eagles once again fell asleep at half-time.
This team is 6 – 0 and has yet to put together a complete game. On one hand, it means that we haven’t seen this team’s ceiling yet. On the other hand, it suggests that this coaching staff has no clue of how to get this team there.
Well, now they get a week to try and figure it out.
PROPERLY armed, the Eagles can win the NFC East. We’ll need to do some remodeling, but not full-on rebuilding. With the current combination of the Eagles being really good at some things, and our rivals being bad at some things, the door is open. More than just a little. We just need to add the right pieces to shore up our own weaknesses, before we attempt to stroll/walk/dip through it.
We have what seems like 700 picks in this Draft, but today I’m just going to focus on these five:
Round 1: No. 15 (from MIA)
Round 1: No. 18 (from NO)
Round 2: No. 51
Round 3: No. 83
Round 3: No. 101 (from NO)
Here are the players I want to see become Eagles this week:
Round 1: No. 15 – DT Jordan Davis: Some might consider this a few picks early, others will say it’s an outright reach. There’s a good chance that he won’t even be there at 15, so I wouldn’t gamble on that. Just to be sure, I’d offer this pick (#15) and #101 to Houston, for the #13 pick, to avoid losing Davis to Baltimore at #14.
What I see is five years (rookie contract) of a space eating, run-stuffer who absorbs double-teams, and helps to keep our LB’s clean, in a division that still runs the ball. Adding this guy would upgrade the entire defense on that alone. When DT Fletcher Cox is gone next year, Davis gives us someone to build around. He’d also help keep DT Javon Hargrave effective, and let DT Milton Williams play more DE.
Round 1: No. 18 – WR Treylon Burks: The Eagles made overture after overture to free agent WR’s this offseason, all of whom turned us down. Eventually the Eagles settled for WR Zach Pascal. Yes, settled. If you think our Front Office is done trying to upgrade our WR position, then you my friend have lost the plot.
The Eagles have fast guys at WR (Watkins, Hightower). We got guys you never heard of (Allen, Cain). Guys who can’t catch (Reagor). We have clever guys (Ward), TE guys (Arcega-Whiteside), shrug-worthy guys (Pascal). What we don’t have, is a big, fast, and physical guy. And that’s where Burks comes in.
Burks is so different from WR Devonta Smith, but WOW, what a potential combo! Smith is a precise route runner who creates separation and gives the QB, friendly places to put the ball. Burks can win contested catches and shed tackle attempts. So for each of them, Safety help is needed to prevent a routine catch from turning into six points. Which would make it very hard for a defensive coordinator to write a coverage concept, that wouldn’t get shredded on a weekly basis.
Round 2: No. 51 – S Daxton Hill: Though he plays a lot of Nickel CB, he can play anywhere in the secondary. Let me reiterate: Anywhere in the secondary. He’s a DB with 4.3 speed, and it shows up on film. Many athletes leave their impressive 40 times at the Combine. This kid had his on display before he got there. Better still, he attacks the football and causes interceptions for other players off of deflections.
The F.O. chased CB Stephon Gilmore in free agency, but they didn’t chase a bunch of CB’s. Pretty much just Gilmore, because… Well because he’s him. Otherwise we have Slay, Maddox, and 7 young CB’s to evaluate. Spending a high pick on another one, only makes that evaluation more complicated.
What we need, is a FS with Jaws-like closing speed, who is nearly impossible to outrun. This could be that guy.
Round 3: No. 83 – DE Joshua Paschal: He didn’t rack up a ton of sacks in college, and he’s not a pass rush demon. What he is, is a big, assignment solid DE. He sets the edge vs the run, and gains consistent penetration, proving disruptive both as a DE, and DT. He even flashes the ability to play as a 3-4 DE.
The best thing about him, is that he doesn’t just make plays when he isn’t blocked, or when he’s poorly blocked. This guy makes plays even after beating squared up offensive linemen. He plays a man’s game already. The idea of sitting him next to Jordan Davis for the next three of four years (or longer) is a happy thought.
+++++
This is how I’d like to see the first three rounds go.
Some NFL Drafts have good fourth rounds. When we look back in 5 years, I doubt this will be one of them. This is a shallow draft, in terms of finding many difference makers at RB, TE, QB, G, and DT. That being the case, we should grab what we need, and everything from the fourth round and on, view as a lottery scratch-off.
THIS is Monday, September 6th 2021, and this article will probably seem crazy to you.
While everyone else was yelling and weighing-in on the trade for QB Gardner Minshew, I shut up. What I did was sit back, observe, and consider.
This article marks my first official statement on the trade, or on what Minshew being an Eagle truly heralds. This article is not about this season, but about the future. The long game.
Never lose sight of the long game.
*******
Early in June, I wrote that the NFL is Killing Off All Starting QB’s. I told you that the NFL is changing the concept of the every game starter. I got into the reasons why this is happening, and why it is happening, specifically now.
While it may have seemed far-fetched when I wrote about it in June, if you caught last week’s final preseason game between the Las Vegas Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers, you were treated to more of the Wentz/Hurts, Brees/Hill style of platooning QB’s, that I mentioned in the ‘Killing’ article.
While working on this article, I saw Saturday, that NFL reporter Bucky Brooks put out an article recommending that the 49ers utilize the two QB approach. Figuring that he’d covered it, I almost put this article in my ‘Unpublished Articles’ folder. However, after reading Brooks, I saw that he left it at just the 9ers, andhadn’t really broached the broader subject.
Brook’s article (and even the original draft of this one), mentions the 49ers head coach saying “I don’t need to announce the quarterback, I don’t think I need to announce the starting punt returner, either, but I bet you guys could figure it out,“.
Clearly, the coach was having fun at the media’s expense, but since when was a head coach ever coy about such a thing, two weeks before the season opener? Especially after subbing his QB’s in and out, like a wresting tag team. This is different, folks! Don’t get caught missing the action, while staring directly at it. Don’t let NFL GM’s brag about how they snake charmed us.
Getting back to the Eagles, many people (fans and pundits alike), are speculating that the Minshew trade is about having an insurance policy for QB Jalen Hurts, or having someone to push him. Neither is true. Minshew will play this year. Not just that, but even if Hurts is still healthy by Week 8 or so, you’ll still see Minshew take a few snaps. At least.
Expect to hear (or read) some kooky nonsense about how the coaching staff has “different packages” they want to run for Minshew. As if he has a physical trait or ability that Hurts doesn’t, which the staff desperately needs to get out on the field. It will be utter nonsense. Just enough babble to excite the kind of fan who reads Dave Spadaro, unironically.
In the “Killing” article, I went into why NFL franchises need the two QB system to control their costs. In this article, I’ll add that franchises also need the two QB system, as a means of increasing revenue. The central idea here, is that more games, equals more money. But first, “relics” like Aaaron Rodgers have to be phased out.
The NFL can’t ask television networks for substantially more money, without offering a substantial increase in their product, or finding some other value added aspect. That’s just Sales 101. This is easily solvable by adding more games, which the NFL is eager to do.
We all know that NFL has long had it’s eye on international expansion. (More games.) They’ve also been in talks with the Player’s Association over the years, to find ways to lengthen the regular season. (More games.) Right now were seeing the league attempt to lengthen the regular season, by undercutting the preseason. (And so far the results are ugly.)
Teams can’t play a 20 – 21 game regular season with just one starting QB. The Human body can only take so much punishment. The two QB move, is a move that the NFL has to make, if they want to grow the league. So the NFL has to transition you to being okay with a two QB system. Whether your team runs it or not, is immaterial. The NFL just has to normalize the idea.
Again, this is Monday, September 6th 2021, and this article probably sounded crazy to you. That’s okay. I just wanted to get it on record, that this was another time when I was out, waaay ahead of the curve. While a couple of my “I told you so” articles have been open to interpretation, the one that I will write about this one, won’t be.
CENSORSHIP is running amok on Facebook. This is mostly an overcompensation for all the illegal stuff that FB was rumored to be letting Russian hackers (cough cough, government agents) get away with, prior to the 2016 Presidential election.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had his ass hauled in front of Congress, and now the social media platform is taking down anything that can be misconstrued as bullying, or spreading false information. They’re even going so far as to take down memes and posts from 2017 and earlier. As a result, lots of the funniest shit that you and I ever posted, is coming down.
Since I hate that, I decided to create a running page of rude, sexualized, sometimes blatantly offensive memes, just because I think there should be a place where we ADULTS, can still be treated as such.
And so. Without further ado…
THE OFFENSIVE SHIT!
FB actually flagged me for this one, back when I made it.
AS an Eagles fan, I avoid writing about rival teams or players unless it’s truly newsworthy. Otherwise, I ignore them and focus on MY team: The Philadelphia Eagles. That being said, I have dirt to dish. So pull up a chair and let’s talk some shit.
Cowboys QB Dak Prescott refuses to reveal whether or not he’s been vaccinated for Covid-19. When asked about it, he incorrectly invoked HIPAA, and then dived into a stream of meaningless double-talk. This basically says that he hasn’t gotten vaccinated. Whether he’s leaning that way or is staunchly opposed, remains to be seen.
Frankly, it’s not important one way or the other. I’d be telling you a lie to say that I cared at all.
I’m not saying that I wish Covid on the man. I don’t. What I’m here to talk about, is how truly Karmic it would be, if in his situation, he contracted Covid-19. For no damned reason at all.
He just signed one of the most lucrative contracts in NFL history, and the vaccine is totally FREE. Doesn’t cost a single red cent. Even if it wasn’t available in his neighborhood, the Cowboys medical staff would happily drive it to his home to vaccinate him. I’m sure they’d even wade through his pool to do it, as he lay on an inflatable chair.
He has NO BUSINESS getting this disease. NONE.
So if he gets it by himself and has to quarantine, his decision could cost his team one or two games. If he’s part of an outbreak, then his team may need to automatically hand over a win (or two, or three) to whomever they were scheduled to play.
Prescott could avoid all of this now, by being vaccinated. Instead, the plan is to keep QB Ben “Bring It On” DiNucci,
or preseason hall of fame QB Cooper Rush, loose and ready to go. This is because Prescott’s new deal made signing a good back-up, too expensive. (And Chicago lied to QB Andy Dalton.)
While Covid has a high survival rate, often victims are left with long-term symptoms like difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, fatigue, symptoms that worsen after physical activities, difficulty thinking or concentrating (brain fog), and lots of other crap. These people are often called Covid Long Haulers, or said to have Long Covid, or Post-acute Covid., by the CDC
Significantly more victims suffer these long-term effects, than die from the disease, and that’s what poses the bigger danger for Prescott. An NFL athlete can’t play while dragging around an oxygen tank. A QB can’t be at his best with brain fog. If walking up 10 stairs can worsen symptoms for the average person, imagine what an NFL game would do to Prescott.
If Prescott contracts Covid, even when he gets back, he may never be the same player, ever again. It could derail his career, like Guillain-Barre Syndrome did with retired C Travis Frederick. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, would be stuck with a lemon that he owes 126M$. It would be years before the Cowboys could be competitive in the free agent market.
As bad as QB Carson Wentz’s situation looks for the Eagles in 2021, Prescott not being vaccinated could make the Cowboys look a lot worse for a third of a decade. Given that Jones is no spring chicken at 78, there’s a chance that he may not even live to see the Cowboys get from under (as Jones put it), overpaying Prescott.
Again, I’m not saying that I wish Covid on him. I don’t. I’m saying, given the life choices that his fellow players make, not knowing where they’ve been, or who with… To risk that? So is this how a Franchise QB is supposed to behave? As the saying goes, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
RIGHTS were not trampled. No freedoms were infringed. The NFL simply said that if an outbreak costs the league, it will also cost the players. That was me paraphrasing, but that’s essentially the jist of it. Yet over these last two days, the amount of arguing this has generated has been insane. So here’s my two cents.
The players have every right to choose whether or not they’ll be vaccinated against Covid-19. Over the last few months, the NFL as an organization has made it abundantly clear that they understand the players right to choose. That said, the NFL has also made it clear that in the event of a team-wide outbreak of the virus, games may have to be forfeited.
While no player’s right to choose was in any way infringed, each NFL owner is telling his roster:
And that is THEIR right.
If players choosing not get vaccinated leads to a team-wide outbreak, the players may have to eat not only the loss of those game-checks, but also a game loss, which will affect playoff positioning eventually.
It’s entirely possible that your favorite team could go, let’s say 8 – 9 instead of 10 – 7, due to a two week shutdown for Covid. Now imagine that just one of those forfeits was to a division rival. If your team finished second (again 8 – 9) behind a 9 – 8 division rival, and missed a playoff berth, as a fan you’d be angry. Teammates however, would be at each other’s throats. In some cases literally.
It makes me wonder how many “on the bubble” situations will come down to a vaccinated player being prioritized, over a slightly more talented player, who isn’t vaccinated. I’m of course talking back-ups, not starters. But every unvaccinated player is one who could help generate one or more automatic losses. Imagine losing games without even getting to try. That’s what this is!
This edict from the NFL will not automatically get vaccines into players arms. What it will do is call their commitment to winning into question. Not just by teammates, but when contracts have to be negotiated. When sponsors are looking for a face to endorse their offerings. When votes are cast for Canton.
The NFL recognizes that the players have the freedom to choose. However, they are also recognizing a seldom acknowledged truth about freedom. Like the coin flipped before every game, freedom is on one side and consequence is on the other. Whenever you can only see one side of the coin, it is being rested on, it is being propped up by, the side that you don’t.
I for one, am happy about this. In recent years, far too many Americans have been screaming about freedom, without really giving any thought to the responsibility that comes with wielding it. Perhaps this will help spark some well overdue conversations about it.
LOOK at that! The Bengals have converted their field from grass to mattresses. Not only has it already improved the look of their stadium, but their owner thinks it will extend, or at least not keep shortening, the lifespan of QB Joe Burrow. The team is also asking the league to allow Burrow to wear several pillows duct taped to his helmet. It’s either that or spend the money to protect him.
Steelers LB T.J. Watt increased his sack total for the third straight year in a row. Due to notching 16.5 sacks, he continues to be above criticism. This is despite sporting a missed tackle percentage of over 10 percent, in every season of his career. If only there were some sort of clue about how to fix the defense…
The carriage turned back into a pumpkin, and the horses turned back into rats, as the Browns returned to reality and went 3 – 14 this year.
Somewhere out there is a desperate Browns fan, carrying a clear, platform shoe, and searching for Princess Odell.
Ravens K Justin Tucker’s rap/opera album “Come Kick It Wit’ Me” shot to the top of the Italian pop music charts this year. Sighting how he didn’t need this “NFL boll sheed no mo’ ”, Tucker announced his retirement. After which he flipped the double-bird, as he rode away barefoot in a kiddie pool, which was situated in the bed of an El Camino. There was no water in the pool.
NFC NORTH!
Raise your hand if you predicted the Lions going 14 – 3, getting a first round bye, and winning it all.
“It’s better than drinkable water!” was how one fan described the Detroit Lions Super Bowl parade. Thousands of fans came out to celebrate and cheer their team, not long before tens of thousands of muggers descended on both the fans and the players. The car-jacking of a parade float would be the low-point of the day, and perhaps the lowest in all of American history.
After a just barely failing to qualify for a wild card berth, a 9 – 8 Minnesota team is still unsure if they’re a bad team that frequently overachieves, or a good team that chokes at the slightest sign of true relevance.
As Chicago continues their search for a passer, Bears QB Justin Fields was traded to Buffalo for QB Mitch Trubisky. One Chicago football fan said “Eh, it’s good we went an’got a veteran quarterback now, ‘cause Fields played like a rookie. I mean, why din’t he just look at what Tommy Bradley does in Tampa, then come right out and copy exactly what he saw?How hard could dat be, right?? Anyways, Trubisky sounds like a good Polish name. It feels familiar. I like it.”
After another implosion in the second round of the playoffs, QB Aaron Rodgers is continuing to act like he’s doing Packers fans a favor, by allowing them to overpay him millions more than he’s ever truly deserved. Perhaps Green Bay should have double checked for a discount.
AFC WEST!
After not allowing fans in to SoFi Stadium at all in 2020, the LA Chargers opened their arms to their loyal, fickle, frequently disinterested fan base. In a stadium that seats 70,000, the Chargers drew an average of 28,000 to their games. Somewhere the ghost of Al Davis is laughing so hard, that he’s gasping for air.
Despite being heavily favored by odds-makers, the Raiders Super Bowl loss continues to confound people. Suddenly retired Raider QB Derek Carr, could not be reached for comment as he was out on his yacht. The gold one, not the one made entirely out of stacks of money. His agent Pete Rose also declined comment.
The Chiefs were expected to have a more difficult road, but no one thought they’d miss the playoffs. As a disciplinary measure for yet another violation of team player conduct policy, Andy Reid ate WR Tyreek Hill, prior to the final game of the preseason. When asked if he regretted having eaten the WR, coach Reid responded “Listen, you’d expect athlete meat to be tough, but Tyreek, he was something special. Didn’t even need a marinade. Wait. What was the question?”
The Denver Broncos are trying to decide whether to screw over either another old RB, or another young QB, during this offseason. Either way, it will most certainly cripple the team’s offense next year. Their fans of course, will again feel like they’ve been stabbed directly in the face, when the team spends their top pick on a WR.
NFC WEST!
The 49ers, who paid QB Jimmy Garoppolo 26M$ to sit and watch rookie QB Trey Lance have an up and down year, will still owe Garoppolo 27M$ next year. Worse yet, they likely have to endure at least one more year with him on the roster, as he won’t waive his no-trade clause. That is, unless he gets an offer he likes, from a team that won’t mind him throwing with his eyes closed. Still, the defense was good enough for the team to post a 10 – 7 record.
Seattle RB Rashaad Penny was surprised to learn that the team is declining to pick up his 5th year option. Penny was selected in the first round of the 2018 Draft, but didn’t get his first start until 2021. In that game, he had one carry for 8 broken tackles, and a 63 yard touchdown. It also resulted in a torn hamstring which ended his season. Tore it right off the bone! When asked whether Penny is “a bust”, GM John Schneider, shrieked, burst into tears, and attempted to answer questions. He however, couldn’t be understood through his high-pitched, racking sobs. Seattle predictably bowed out in the second round of the playoffs.
No matter how much talent Arizona adds, sub .500 is the best God will allow. In other news, QB Kyler Murray married the dancing hula girl on the dash board of J.J. Watt’s car.
It was a beautiful ceremony. When Murray stood on a chair to kiss his bride, there wasn’t a dry eye to be seen, according to Stevie Wonder, who was told that he was in attendance.
The Rams added a ton of weapons in the offseason, but neglected to help their offensive line. This led to QB Matt Stafford being lost for the year in Week Two, and also left the run game stuck in neutral since the preseason. Give you one guess what they’ll be taking with their first round pick this year. Oh wait! They won’t have a first rounder this year. Or next year. Dopes.
AFC SOUTH!
After partially tearing the meniscus in his right knee in training camp, it was quickly thought by both QB Carson Wentz and the Colts front office, that the smartest thing would be for Carson to just rest, relax and let that tear take 3 to 5 months to heal on its own. While the Eagles paid him 34 million dollars.
Though Wentz played only half the season, taking just under 50% of the snaps, the Colts almost rallied to make the playoffs, going 7 – 1 with Wentz starting. Pretty smart trade. Especially since Wentz didn’t count against the Colts 2021 salary cap.
On a roster that features RB’s David Johnson, Mark Ingram, and Phillip Lindsay, you probably would never guess who led the team in rushing yards. It was Texans QB Tyrod Taylor, who spent the season running for his goddamned life. In the hopes of not suffering another punctured lung, Taylor racked up a career best 836 yards. Meanwhile, R. Kelly is alleging that QB Deshaun Watson inappropriately… (No. I’m going to draw a line here. Gotta preserve a little class.)
WE WILL SUCK YOUR DICK!!!! That’s the Jaguars latest promotion to get people to come to the stadium. Lord knows no one wants to watch them play football. Look at all the upgrades! Super-fast WiFi, an impressive sound system, they put in a party deck, a pool… They’ve done everything they can to avoid improving the team. Now the team has executives slobbing knobs. And they’re all so bad at it! C’mon folks! More spit, less teeth. This is basic stuff!
The Titans were the favorite to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl, until QB Ryan Tannehill tore his Achilles in Week One, and QB DeShone Kizer “Soze” stepped in and killed the whole team. Kizer continued the 0 – 15 magic that he had in Cleveland, going 0 – 7 before being benched for QB Logan Woodside… who then promptly tore his ACL, meaning that Kizer would come back out, and finish the season. Kizer went 0 – 15 (again), even though he also lost the two games started by other QB’s.
NFC SOUTH.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have increased their reward for information about head coach Bruce Arian’s whereabouts. Police are looking at DT Ndamukong Suh as a person of interest because, well… Because he’s fucking Ndamukong Suh! I mean come on!
With the retirement of QB Drew Brees last year, the Saints 6 – 11 season shows that they have gone back to being the hapless, talent squandering, afterthoughts that have historically always been. Fans are taking it well, saying that their relevance was nice while it lasted.
The Falcons 5 – 12 record was predicted immediately after they traded WR Julio Jones to Tennessee last year. For a team with no defense, keeping Jones to go with their other weapons, would have made outscoring opponents easy. But Atlanta said “Fuck that!” and thew their easy button out of a tenth floor window. Nowwww look at them. Just look. SMDH.
Panthers RB Christian McCaffrey spent this season being 25 going on 35. Bouncing back from an injury, while being the focal point of an offense, with a QB trying to re-hab himself from having been a Jet, did no favors for McCaffrey. His 663 yards in 10 starts, will likely have the Panthers spending yet another late round draft pick on a RB, who is ill-suited to ever being a starter. Or a contributor. These guys just can’t learn.
AFC EAST!
The NFL finally made good on its threat to banish the Jets, who can no longer be referred to, as a “professional” football team. As the NCAA has not yet agreed to take them, the Jets have no official league designation yet. The CFL hasn’t offered a verbal or written response as to whether the Jets can seek asylum in Canada. However, the CFL’s pursed lips and side-eye, have offered a very strong hint about where they stand on the issue.
Bill Belichick has coached his last game for the Patriots. He is expected to take the job in Tampa Bay, after coach Bruce Arians suddenly went missing. QB Tom Brady is telling Congress that they cannot search his house.
Buffalo WR and anti-vaxxer Cole Beasley is recovering from the Delta variant of Covid-19. Luckily his access to the best medical treatment that NFL money can buy, put the odds for a full recovery, heavily in his favor. His wife Krystin however, was not an NFL employee. Get vaccinated.
After having changed his name from Jomal Wiltz to Jamal Perry in 2020, the IRS caught up with the Dolphins CB anyway. This goes to show, if you’re going to change your name, do it before you’re on television at least 17 times a year.
NFC EAST!!!
For the second year in a row, Washington won 7 games! While their 8 losses are fewer than the 9 from a year ago, their 2 ties offer little in the way of optimism. Because of that, there is currently a split in their fan base. Half of their fans argue that the 7 – 8 – 2 team, is an 8 – 8 team (“Because two half wins, equals one whole one. Dummy!”). Meanwhile, other half of their fan base sees the team as 7 – 8, and thus improved over 7 – 9 (“Because thems two ties cancels theyselves out. Stupid!”). Either way, the rest of us just see a degenerate, losing team that missed the playoffs.
The giants didn’t have to depend on a division rival to get to the playoffs this year, because they used StubHub! They got a great price, on great seats, and watched the Lions model the sort of franchise New York hopes to become. Maybe next year the giants won’t go 5 – 12, and they’ll qualify for a playoff berth on their own. Hey! The giants in the playoffs! Look at me! I got jokes!
The Cowboys went 12 – 5 and easily won their division. With a 5,000 yard passer, a 1,700 yard rusher, and THREE 1,000 yard receivers, right out of the gate, Dallas took the NFL by storm. Which is why their first round dismantling in the playoffs was so surprising. The 41 – 6 walloping at the hands of QB Joe Flacco, will forever be known in NFL circles as “The Dall-Ass Whipping”.
The Carson Wentz trade didn’t yield the Eagles a first round pick, and QB Jalen Hurtswas so bad that he was benched by Week Nine. Also, Head Coach Nick Sirianni retiring mid-season to join a professional Rochambeau league, didn’t surprise as many people as you’d think.
After which the hapless Eagles managed to rally and stumble into the playoffs as a wild card. At which point they utterly shelled the Cowboys 41 – 6, before losing to Detroit in the second round.
DISCLAIMER: If you use this article for gambling or betting purposes, you’re an idiot and your money is safer with other people. Don’t be dunce. Stop gambling on sports.
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