Categories include an EXCLUSIVE weekly Offensive Line Report (Rushing TD’s (6 points)+ 3rd downs converted by handoffs(1 point) + sacks allowed (-2 points)= score); as well as Drive Killer (Int – FR – 4th down Tackles – FF – TD).
New Category Ace is for Kick return TD’s, Returners run-down, kicks blocked, etc.
I hear you asking, “What about all the stuff that stats don’t reveal?” Well, that’s the reason for these Four Things articles. It’s to point out what we need to address BEFORE the game. Then AFTER the game, there’s a no-bullshit assessment of whether or not the Eagles did any of what they needed to do, to ensure the win.
So how much of what I mentioned in Four Things: Chiefs did the Eagles actually get around to doing? Well let’s see:
1) No Clean Releases:All we did, was give them clean releases into their routes across the board. They were running routes unimpeded, like they were in unopposed drills. The Chiefs QB could have thrown the ball just on timing, with his eyes closed. This was an embarrassing display of non-adjustment by the coaching staff. (NOT DONE)
2) Attack their LB’s and NCB: We lived on this in the first half. It lulled the Chiefs to sleep, opening up a nice 45 yard scoring strike to WR A.J. Brown(8 – 6 – 96 – 16.0 – 1). The second half seemed to feature more runs for our QB, which led to points, but seemed to leave most of our weapons a lot less involved. We still made use of the TE and such, but it wasn’t nearly as pronounced later.(DONE)
3) Force their QB Left: We didn’t do this. Instead he mostly went to his right repeatedly, and gutted us for 3 scores, and not one turnover. We let him do what he’s good at, and we let this game become a shootout. Which is the only kind of game they can win.
Our pass rush sacked him all of ZERO times, as we rarely sent five and allowed receivers to roam where they chose.
Some may choose to blame a shitty field surface, but the Chiefs had to play on that field too. Beating us for two touchdowns on a play, run twice, based on quick change of direction. (NOT DONE)
4) Quick Throws Off of Play-action: The Eagles handed the ball off, all of 17 times, to three RB’s. No one had more than 7 carries. The Chiefs simply didn’t buy the play-action and Hurts was the QB who spent most of the day under duress. (NOT DONE)
****
So we end the season on a note of 1 out of theFour Things getting done. The score was only this close because the Chiefs defense was really, really porous.
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On The Whole:
While everyone else wants to fawn over Hurts three rushing touchdowns, I feel it necessary to bring up how his fumble was the biggest single moment, difference in the game. Those seven points off the board, would have netted him a Lombardi. Instead, there is no guarantee that he ever sees another opportunity.
Though that moment was indeed huge, it wasn’t why we lost.
Defensive coaching is why this game was lost. Or better said, a lack of defensive coaching is what lost this game. I’m on record REPEATEDLY expressing my lack of trust in Defensive CoordinatorJonathon Gannon. I was really hoping that he was going to take a head coaching job, and leave Philly. Sadly, it looks like we’ll still have him next year.
I know some will point out 70 sacks, but I’m pretty sure most DC’s could find success with this much talent. In fact, other DC’s may have found a way to keep the turnovers coming. Given that we likely won’t be able to afford as much talent next season, Gannon may have blown our shot.
WHEN the Eagles last took the field, we knocked two QB’s out of a game, and set a record for rushing touchdowns (39) in a season, breaking a 50 year old record of 36 (not 37 that’s a typo) set by Vince Lombardi’s 1962 Packers. Sorry Vince, Eagles got you again.
In two playoff games, the Eagles have allowed exactly 7 points in both. Both games were blowouts (38 – 7 , and 31 – 7 respectively). This is despite QB Jalen Hurtsstill nursing an injured shoulder, and playing far from his best. Let me type that louder for the people in the back: WE’RE DOMINATING DESPITE PLAYING FAR FROM OUR BEST BALL.
RT Lane Johnson having his way with DE Nick “Forty-Whiner” Bosa
Now as a final hurdle, we get a Chiefs QB with a bum leg, and everyone is waiting for the kid’s next miracle finish. What’s hilarious is that no one seems to understand that he’s going to spend the night running for his life, and fucking up because of it.
Seriously, he was sacked 3 times in his last game, by a Bengals team that managed 30 sacks all season long. That Bengals pass rush was the 4th worst in the NFL! And now they get to face the Eagles?! This isn’t sheep being fed to lions. This is Apollo being fed to Drago. This game may get very sad before it’s over.
Game wrecking OLB Haason Reddick racks up yet another forced fumble
A win makes us the champs. It means the mission was completed. It means a bunch of our guys will deserve to ask for a little bit more at the bargaining table. It means that us picking 10th overall in the upcoming draft, is a vulgar display of power, and fistful of dirt and salt in the wound of EVERY team that picks after us.
A loss still says we got the formula right, but couldn’t quite ring the bell. What’s FUNNY is that since this is two #1 seeds, with identical records, a loss couldn’t be classified as a “choke”. So that bullet is already dodged. Still, let’s just go win the game. GO BIRDS!
****
The point of Four Things isn’t to predict a winner, it’s to discuss which tactics would give our Eagles the best chance to win this game. So here are the Four Things that we need to focus on this week, versus the: Chiefs
1) No Clean Releases: No one is saying that OLB Kyzir White and NCB Avonte Maddox have to play tight Man Coverage, but the Chiefs are accustomed to free releases into their pass routes. This leads to their passing game running like open drills. Stop that. Get hands on them for a second or two.
Let’s get their passing game to run just a couple seconds off-schedule. That’s all we need. That gives our pass rush time to get more pressure. Also if we can get their QB routinely improvising, it minimizes the detailed planning of Head Coach Andy Reid, and their likelihood for making mistakes goes waaay up. So take away those free releases. Especially for their TE.
2) Attack their LB’s and NCB: Their second level isn’t very instinctive. In an effort not to waste steps, they tend to watch a lot of football, before firing into the play. So let’s pick on that weakness. They’re already going to be struggling with our RPO game, so we won’t need to make them do anything they aren’t already doing.
TE Dallas Goedert scoring on KC in 2021
So if their second level is going to be frozen in space, TE Dallas Goedertshould romp and frolic, finding open spaces 10, 11, 12 yards down. (No need to rely on Screens and risk illegal man downfield penalties!) This will keep the pocket loose for RB Miles Sanders to run, and not tax Hurts shoulder too much.
3) Force Their QB Left: While the Chiefs QB has displayed ambidextrous ability as a passer, he’s at his best as a right-handed QB. All of his muscle memory, processes, and mechanics are for his right hand. Forcing him left, also means that he can’t step into his passes. So they won’t arrive as accurate, nor as fast, as his receivers are used to. (See how this all adds up?)
If the routes unfold slower, and he has to read more, while moving unnaturally, we’d already be keeping him from being the best version of himself. All of which is subtle. The more subtle it is, the harder it is to diagnose, so it goes on longer before it’s fixed. While they look for ways to protect his leg, let’s attack his habits instead.
4) Quick Throws Off Play-action: EAGLES FANS! Remember how when Andy was the coach here, our LB’s were employed more as clean-up guys, and almost never got to dictate the action? Well the same thing is happening to the Chiefs LB’s under Andy and DC Steve Spagnulo. That “bend but don’t break” bullshit that we all hated.
QB Jalen Hurts wins the motherfucker.
Eyes not instincts, are what their LB’s rely on, and they do so heavily. Trying not to finish behind our run game, is going to lead those guys into leaving gaping holes underneath. The only reason why they wouldn’t, is if the Chiefs are hanging back and letting us run the ball. Which would be wonderful! Hand-offs > Passes.
****
If the Eagles do these Four Things, then we’ll be virtually impossible to beat. That being said…
Let me talk about our opponent first. In 17 games, they allowed 20 points 12 times. At no point did they hold a team to a single digit score. They’re a team that scores a lot, because they have to. This is despite playing in a poor division, vs anemic pass rushes. That team is nowhere near as good as it’s advertised, which is why they frequently require miraculous last minute plays, and stunning overtime wins (2).
Top to bottom the Eagles are the better team. In just 8 games did we allowed 20 points, with 4 games holding opponents to 8 points or fewer. Two of which were playoff opponents! Our division featured three playoff teams, and none of our wins were in overtime. Guess which team had more blowouts (wins by a 20 point margin). Go ahead. I’ll wait…
We don’t rely on smoke and mirrors. We’re physical. We’re methodical. We don’t generally beat ourselves. For our opponents to get a win, it requires lots of help from us…
And I don’t see the Chiefs getting much help from us on Sunday.
One more game, folks. GO BIRDS
****
Prediction:EAGLES 28 – Chiefs 21
WARNING: I don’t have the faintest clue as to what a point spread is, and I know even less about how it works. I know football and that’s IT. If you use Four Things as a gambling tool, you are trying to lose your money, and will deserve it when you do.
Check back in a couple of days for Four Things Reviewed, and we’ll discuss how this game went.
Categories include an EXCLUSIVE weekly Offensive Line Report (Rushing TD’s (6 points)+ 3rd downs converted by handoffs(1 point) + sacks allowed (-2 points)= score); as well as Drive Killer (Int – FR – 4th down Tackles – FF – TD).
New Category Ace is for Kick return TD’s, Returners run-down, kicks blocked, etc.
I hear you asking, “What about all the stuff that stats don’t reveal?” Well, that’s the reason for these Four Things articles. It’s to point out what we need to address BEFORE the game. Then AFTER the game, there’s a no-bullshit assessment of whether or not the Eagles did any of what they needed to do, to ensure the win.
So how much of what I mentioned in Four Things: 49ers did the Eagles actually get around to doing? Well let’s see:
1) Set Hard Edges: Set the edges and don’t fall for the misdirection stuff they like to do. The idea was not to shutdown the run, just make it unreliable. The idea was to make them one dimensional, and force them to pass. The result was that we held them to 71 rushing yards on 24 carries (2.9ypc). So the run game was unreliable. We also made them one dimensional. Forcing them to pass…not so much. Still, this one is easy to mark as accomplished. (DONE)
After Haason chopped, it wasn’t Purdy.
2) Pick Purdy: Once we took away the run game, we were supposed to force Mr. Irrelevant Brock Purdy (4/4 – 100.0% – 23 – 0 – 0) to beat us. But we knocked him out of the game pretty early, with an elbow injury that rendered him basically unable to throw. Then we knocked his back-up out of the game, forcing Purdy who was unable to throw, back into the game.
DT Ndaukong Suh knocks QB Josh Johnson out of the game
With them being unable to throw at all, all Purdy could do was hand it off, into the teeth of our predatory Defense. It was like feeding sheep to lions. I almost felt bad for them. Then I remembered them dressing the Rocky statue, and Jesus said “Fuck them dudes.”(DONE)
3) Run the Ball: We didn’t shatter any yardage records but we had an effective day on the ground (42 – 150 – 3.5 – 4 – 0) Gainwell once again led the team in yardage, but once again RB Miles Sanders (11 – 42 – 3.8 – 2 – 0) was were the load was really carried. Sanders was the early hammer, with Gainwell and Boston Scott (6 – 21 – 3.5 – 1 – 0) helping to salt the game away.
RB Miles Sanders hits paydirt. (Maybe literally.)
With drives of 13, 20,16, and 9 yards, our running gave our Defense time to catch their breath. As a result they were able to attack with reckless abandon. Much of this win has to be attributed to our ability to hold the ball for 37 minutes vs the 49ers 22. (DONE)
4) Throw It Deep: There were a few attempts over 20 yards, but the only one that went for yardage (the 29 yarder to Smith) wasn’t really a catch. Otherwise, Hurts was out of sync and very off target in this one. I suspected that the coaching staff had him on a pitch count last week. This week confirmed it.
The coaching staff was trying to protect Hurts still tender throwing shoulder. We were able to get away with it this week. (NOT DONE)
****
This week we did3 of the Four Things, and the resulting blowout punched our ticket to Super Bowl LVII (57 for Millennials). There we’ll meet up with Head Coach Andy Reid(after a Bye) and QB Patrick Mahomes.
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On The Whole:
All week long, people talked like this game was evenly matched. I said plainly that it wasn’t. If this game were a boxing match, they’d have thrown the towel after we bounced Mr. Irrelevant’s back-up from the game. All the talk was about how physical the game would be. How good the 49er defense was. How well that QB with respectable mobility, manages his offense.
Folks! We’d already played and won this game. Remember? Week 13, it ended 35 – 10 vs the Tennessee Titans. We played that one at home too. (And it also featured knocking a player out of the game.)
RT Lane Johnson held DE Nick Bosa to 4 tackles and nothing else.
Like the Titans, we found that the 49ers don’t take punches as well as they throw them. Once they became frustrated, they just mentally unraveled out there. They committed personal foul penalties like they were part of their game plan. As I said in Four Things, they got fat off of teams that harm themselves. We aren’t that team.
ABSOLUTE domination from start to finish last week. The national media spent last week hyping a hollow giants team, and we beat the numbers off their jerseys. This week’s opponent has grown fat off of teams that specialize in hurting themselves. This week they have the wrong opponent. In the wrong house. In front of the wrong crowd.
Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is going to show what it means to lead a team to victory, instead of just being along for the ride. Which is what’s happening on the 49ers sideline. I mean, could you imagine hyping a QB for playing like the best version of Daniel Jones?
The national media isn’t saying “Look at him make jaw-dropping play after play!” They’re saying “Oh look at how he doesn’t make huge mistakes!”Well, OLB Haason Reddick, DT Javon Hargrave, SS Chauncey Gardner-Johnson, CBDarius Slay, and others, are about to put that kid to the test. Context is on the way!
A win punches our ticket to Super Bowl LVII. While I cannot guarantee a win like I did last week, the odds of winning are HEAVILY in our favor. We are all but inevitable.
A loss cannot be entirely ruled out here. The chance exists that we don’t pull this one. Having acknowledged it however, the chance is pretty damned small.
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The point of Four Things isn’t to predict a winner, it’s to discuss which tactics would give our Eagles the best chance to win this game. So here are the Four Things that we need to focus on this week, versus the: 49ers
DT Fletcher Cox, is on the hunt
1) Set Hard Edges: The 9ers are a run-based offense that uses lots of misdirection to open holes. Stay disciplined, and don’t fall for the eye-candy. With the way they like to goof around in the backfield, if we don’t fall for the smoke and mirrors, their ball carrier is liable to run smack into a defender.
Have DE’s Brandon Graham and Josh Sweat establish hard boundaries on the ends of the offensive line, to either bottle runs up inside, or force them far outside where there’s no blocking. Understand, the idea isn’t to “shutdown” their run. (They’re too good for that.) The idea is to just make it unreliable, and destabilize their offense.
2) Pick Purdy:You’ve heard the expression “Pick your poison”. Here we should pick their rookie QB. Yep! Just force them to beat us with a seventh round, rookie QB, making his eighth start, on the road, in one of sport’s most hostile environments. Oh, I promised you context.
This kid’s wins? A bad Tampa Bay with no offensive line; Seattle’s 26th ranked defense; The Commanders; The Raiders 28th ranked defense; Arizona playing their 3rd string QB; Wild Card Seattle on the road; and Dallas last week. THIS is what all the hype has been about! So if I’m picking my poison, I’m picking that Purdy lil’ QB.
3) Run The Ball:Usually I mean hand-offs when I say this, but against this opponent, I mean anybody. While RB Miles Sanders should be our hammer early, RB’s Kenneth Gainwell and Boston Scott should each see at least 6 carries apiece, mostly in the second half.
Also, the 9ers defense is smallish upfront. The DE playing across from 365 pound LT Jordan Mailata, is only about 245. They don’t have a LB over 230. We need to physically wear them down, and then wear them out. It also bears mentioning that all four of their losses came against mobile QB’s. (Note: They didn’t face QB Kyler Murray at all this season.)
4) Throw It Deep: Do not allow their defense to dictate our attack. Two of their three CB’s are decidedly overrated. They all do a great job of taking away the quick stuff, but downfield, the Wards can be had.
They play a lot of Cover Three, but we should be able to short circuit that, with WR Quez Watkinsworking deep in the Slot. Even if they’re just dummy routes to hold the FS. With enough protection that’s a one-on-one down either sideline.
****
If the Eagles do these Four Things, then we’ll be virtually impossible to beat. That being said…
There are a ton of surface indicators which make this game seem a lot more even, than it truly is. What people seem to be (deliberately) looking past, is context. As you know, I never look past context. Context is what makes facts come alive!
At times this season, when the kid has gotten into trouble, their coach has protected him by getting the ball out of his hands with either quick passes, or more running plays. If we take those away, he has to play big boy QB, which puts him right in DT Fletcher Cox’s cross-hairs.
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Prediction: EAGLES 24 –49ers 15
WARNING: I don’t have the faintest clue as to what a point spread is, and I know even less about how it works. I know football and that’s IT. If you use Four Things as a gambling tool, you are trying to lose your money, and will deserve it when you do.
Check back in a couple of days for Four Things Reviewed, and we’ll discuss how this game went.
ARMING for a Super Bowl run. That’s the whole point in making a mid-season trade. It’s getting that last piece, which should put your team over the hump. It’s shoring up a glaring weakness, or giving an obvious strength the Barry Bonds treatment. It’s saying “Damn the consequences. I’m all in!”
Defensive line and pass rush, are already deep and dominant areas for this Eagles team. There isn’t an NFC team that can beat us now. Adding Dallas Cowboys DE DeMarcus Lawrence to this team, would almost act as a reservation to play in the upcoming Super Bowl.
Understand, this move is highly unlikely at the moment. The current NFL playoff structure includes seven teams, three of which are Wild Cards. If the playoffs started today, Dallas would be in as the sixth seed. With playoff hopes still alive, no team is parting ways with a player like Lawrence.
That said, the November 1st trade deadline is two Cowboys games away from now, and currently there are six, 3 – 3 teams in the NFC. The math will turn suddenly and sharply for at least one of these teams. If the the 4 – 2 Cowboys split these next two weeks, they’d be 5 – 3. If they drop both, they’re 4 – 4 with a very murky franchise picture going forward.
Get this: Lawrence is 30 years old, and set to count 35M$ against the 2023 salary cap. He last had a 10 sack season in 2018. Since then, he’s put up 5.0, 6.5, 3.0, and currently sits at 3.0 through six games. This year, that’s half a sack per game. Over seventeen games that projects as just 8.5 sacks, and he’s under contract until 2025, when he’ll be 33.
Hell, with DE’s Chauncey Gholston and Sam Williams waiting in the wings, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones might welcome a chance to dump Lawrence’s contract. Especially if he can get us to cough up a second rounder and fourth rounder in 2023; or a 2023 second, and a 2024 third.
For the Eagles it would also work out well. Part of Lawrence’s production issues have to do with him never having an interior presence like DT Fletcher Cox. With OLB Hasaan Reddick on his left arm, and Cox on his right, there may not be enough players left to block him! Lawrence isn’t a long term building block, but he can be this year’s Chris Longor Michael Bennett, and really help further a playoff run.
As far as figuring out the money, The Eagles are already projected to have a loose estimate of 11M in cap space for 2023; they should have about 10M in rollover; and no one knows exactly what the cap ceiling will be. Also General ManagerHowie Roseman can take a bad contract, and turn that water into wine. So if you think of the money as an impediment, DON’T.
I’m writing this on my personal laptop, with my work laptop open to my lock screen. The picture on that screen, is of the Eagles 2018 parade. Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles is holding the trophy in the air, as the bus travels (the wrong way) on 15th Street. Crazy thing is, I’m in this picture. (Don’t look for me. Even I can’t make me out in this shot, and I know exactly where I’m standing in it.)
Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles holds up the Lombardi trophy, in front of the Municipal Services Building. Kevin Bacon’s father Edmund, designed it. FYI: When this was taken, I was standing across the street from it, with no clue that I’d ever work there. I work there now. Life can be funny.
This trade would put us in a real position to see another one of these, at seasons end. Again, this move is highly unlikely at the moment. So share the shit out this article! Spread the rumor! Speak it into existence. We have two weeks to get it to the right set of ears, and maybe make it happen. Be that 12th man, and I’ll see you on in February on 15th Street.
WHAT’S it like to get a foot in your ass, in a building, with a statue of you in front of it? Well, on Sunday around 5p.m. we should be able to ask former Eagles and current Jaguars Head Coach Doug Pederson. So far he has the Jacksonville Jaguars looking, and playing like a professional football team.
My prediction of course, seems like pure fan speculation. I have yet to even start assembling the Four Things article, for this upcoming game. So I can’t have a grounded sense of how this one will shake out, right? I mean, the Jags have the NFL’s second highest differential (+46) in points scored to points against. The Eagles come in third (+36) in that category.
Given the Eagles tendency to sleepwalk through the second half of football games, and Jacksonville coming alive after the half, this game has all the makings of a nail biter. Predicting a win this early, with no due diligence just seems like talking shit. Right? Perhaps.
But there’s a deeper narrative to this Eagles season.
The NFL schedule makers forcing us to put down Doug, the week after putting down QB Carson Wentz, almost seems cruel. It also portends that Week 11, QB Nick Foles may be starting in place of QB Matt Ryan, on the day that we face head coach Frank Reich’s Colts. (If it happens, don’t be shocked.) Do you see the pattern forming?
The Universe loves irony, and it has a poetic way of punishing those who ignore it. Nick should have stayed in Philly, but took a shaky contract, and had a horrific time in Jacksonville. Both on and off the field. (I often wonder if Philly’s better hospitals could have saved his unborn child.) During Week One, Carson beat Doug, who didn’t stick up for him here. Then last week, we pounded Carson who requested a trade, into the ground. Reich has gone from guru to damned near punchline in Indianapolis.
Now Doug gets to come back, and get a foot in his ass, at the foot of his statue. Everyone connected with the collapse of our Super Bowl team, has had to swallow bitter medicine as a result of their actions immediately following that demise. So clearly Doug has an ass whipping coming.
And don’t think for a moment that General Manager Howie Roseman won’t get his. The Universe doesn’t fuck around when it dishes. At the moment, EVERYTHING Howie does seems like genius. The world can’t pat him hard enough on the back. Which only sets him up for the biggest fall of them all. Gifted with opportunity by the Universe, they each spat in it’s face.
Understand, I’m not saying that the Universe is angry that the Eagles dynasty was shaken down. I highly doubt it cares about football or any sport. What I’m saying, is that a lot of negative energy went into destroying what was constantly advertised, as good men coming together. Hypocrisy. Being a turncoat. Ingratitude. These things scream at Karma in defiance of it. And that only ends one way.
WHILE I really couldn’t care any less about the DeShaun Watson situation, I am infinitely curious about how this is going to shake out for the Cleveland Browns. With the NFL gearing up to place Watson on possibly a one year suspension, the Browns have an absolute shit-show on their hands.
(Full disclosure: I wrote this article on June 27th, but I kept balking at publishing it. If the Browns and QB Baker Mayfield had kissed and made-up (and there were stories saying that it could have happened), then this article would look pretty silly. Well now that Cleveland has been dumb enough to trade Mayfield, I can finally release this bad boy.)
Let me catch you up: Cleveland spent twenty-six years without a playoff win; get one with QB Baker Mayfield; do Mayfield dirty, by signing a pervert (Watson) to replace him; and now looks as if they’ll have to play this season without their pervert, or Mayfield. So ladies and gents, I present to you, third string QB Jacoby Brissett!
Big deal, right? All a third string QB does, is set Cleveland up for early draft picks, right? Nope. Cleveland has no first rounders until 2025. So the team has zero motivation to tank for draft position until then. It’s either win or humiliation. As for Brissett, he’s twenty-nine, and on a one year 4.6M$ deal. So an opportunity to start in 2022, is an audition for his 2023.
A closer look at him reveals a 14 – 23 record as a starter for a “less than good” Colts team. It also reveals a career mark of 36 touchdowns against 17 interceptions, with another 13 scores rushing. So he can play. The issue with him has been that his opportunities have always been with crap teams.
Before anyone forgets, the Browns have a pretty good roster. They went 8 – 9 last year, in a division that was won by the 10 – 7 Bengals. Honestly, with the Steelers now grooming a rookie QB, all it would take for the Browns to win the AFC North, would be an injury to Bengals QB Joe Burrow, and the Ravens continuing to be predictable.
Two years ago, Cleveland went to Kansas City and lost by just five points, in the Divisional round of the 2020 playoffs. This is largely still that roster. If the Browns made the playoffs this year, and suddenly got hot… Hey, weirder has happened.
My question is this: What if the Browns fuck up and succeed? What would the Browns do next year, if Brissett gets the Browns to The Show this year? What if they actually win it behind him? Where would that leave Watson? Remember, this team has no first rounder next year, so this year they have no reason not to go all in. Their QB needs this season, to possibly still have a career in a year. So a lot is at stake.
I don’t have any speculation for what the Browns might do. While the factors for a deep playoff run are all easily possible, it’s their aligning, all at the right time, that is highly unlikely. That said, a competent QB, plus a good roster, and a tight division, equals a chance.
Dear Browns fans, your team could very well stumble towards greatness in 2022. Just kidding! All it would take is a little errant luck, and your DeShaun Watson shit-show, could become a full-blown shit-nado. I hope you all brought a towel, because it’s almost time for you to…
This is going to sound weird to Browns fans, but did you know that most NFL fan bases look forward to football season? C’mon over. Let’s get you out of that abusive relationship. What’s happening to you, is not normal.
WE’VE been told that WR Quez Watkins is going to be working in the Slot, a lot more this year. In an earlier article, I said that we should use Watkins and RB Kenneth Gainwellas a one-two punch in the Slot. Picture it: We pound teams with 12 Personnel, then we make them chase either raw speed, or short area shiftiness. Nasty! Just plain nasty!
When the Eagles won the Super Bowl following the 2017 season, they did it behind WR Torrey Smith taking the top off of defenses, and allowing room for TE Zach Ertz to work underneath. Having to keep a Safety over Ertz, made it easier to get balls downfield, into WR Alshon Jeffrey’s insane catch radius. Having to cover all of that, is what opened up the room for the run game to pile up 2115 yards (132 ypg).
For the next couple of years, the Eagles tried to replicate that formula, first replacing Smith with WR Mike Wallace (2018), who was hurt two games into the season; and then re-uniting with WR DeSean Jackson (2019), who was hurt three games into the season. (Note: It’s not that the formula didn’t work, it’s that we didn’t have the horses to run it.)
Well, now we have a new formula, and I personally LOVE it! I’ve been saying since DJax was here, that we should put our burner in the Slot, not on the Outside. This one move does more than the old formula does, and it does it much more simply.
Watkins in the Slot running “Go” and clear-out routes right down the middle, means that a defense in Single-high coverage, can offer no help to their CB’s. That frequently puts WR Devonta Smith and WR A.J. Brown in one-on-one coverage, on opposite sides of the field. Imagine a CB alone in space with Brown, after the catch. Damned near animal cruelty, right?
Watkins in the Slot running “Go” and clear-out routes right down the middle, means that a defense in Cover Two, has to squeeze the Safeties together, instead of letting them drift out to help the CB’s. (See above result.) This means committing extra resources to coverage. So now instead of four back deep, they have five back deep.
Five back deep, means a six man front. It means they’re in Nickel. Ladies and gentlemen, have you met our run game? Give a hand to RB Miles Sanders! And playing the part of Charlie Mack, I give you LT Jordan Mailata, and LG Landon Dickerson!
First out da limo.
Oh wait! We haven’t even started on TE Dallas Goedert on 15 yard Outs, after play-action. Watkins in the Slot will also force teams to declare more coverages, making pre-snap reads easier for QB Jalen Hurts. (This is where spreading the Offense really gets it’s mojo workin’.) All of which is done easily with Watkins being a speed merchant.
I hear you ask: How dangerous can a speed merchant really be? I mentioned Torrey Smith earlier. In 2017 he played in all 16 games, catching just 36 balls for 430 yards (11.9) and just 2 TD’s. Small numbers, right? However, it was his presence that made him the catalyst for the entire Offense. The loss of that, was 75% of why the Eagles looked so disjointed in 2018 and 2019.
Folks, people are predicting us to win the East, but I… I might already be looking past that. I’m telling you, if Hurts can read defenses better in 2022, the entire NFC (not just the East), is on notice. Rams, Bucs, Green Bay AT Lambeau. All of that. We want ALL the smoke.
CB James Bradberry picking off his ex-team. O’ Danny Dimes… The pipes, the pipes are calling…
COUPLE weeks ago, I said that we should pass on adding fading stars like CB James Bradberry and instead, focus on developing our young players. In fact, Bradberry was one of two stars that I specifically named in that article! For the record, I still think sticking with youth was the way to go. However, since Bradberry is an Eagle now, I want to make a few things crystal clear.
First, James Bradberry, welcome to the Eagles. You said that our Defensive Line is what tempted you to come here. That is our gift to you. That being said, to him who much is given, much is expected.
Second, in itself signing Bradberry isn’t a bad move. He’s been a good player in this league for years now, and he has active hands, in terms of denying the ball to receivers. He gave up a ton of yards in 2021, but I’m not concerned that he can’t play anymore. I’m concerned that his starting, means our youth doesn’t gain much experience. That will keep us from developing that youth, and hurt our long term picture.
I know. I know…
Third, I’ve spent this offseason banging a pot to draw attention to CB Zech McPhearson. He was a fourth round pick in last year’s Draft, and spent 2021 learning, and rightfully sitting behind CB Steven Nelson, whom we brought in on a one year deal. Giving a player a one year deal, basically says that that player isn’t in the long term picture. This ostensibly, put McPhearson in the on-deck circle.
So when Nelson was allowed to walk, my thinking was “BOOM! The future is now”. Instead, we inked another player (Bradberry) to a one year deal. It would be one thing if we’d added a CB in this years Draft; but since we didn’t, that makes it seem like McPhearson is still our top young guy waiting in the wings. So why the delay? Long term it makes no sense at all.
My only guess is that the Front Office sees something about the team that says “PARADE!” this year. If that’s the case, there are a couple of key things we’ll need to power through first. But I’ll wait to discuss that, in this year’s upcoming ‘THE 12’ series.
LOOK at that! The Bengals have converted their field from grass to mattresses. Not only has it already improved the look of their stadium, but their owner thinks it will extend, or at least not keep shortening, the lifespan of QB Joe Burrow. The team is also asking the league to allow Burrow to wear several pillows duct taped to his helmet. It’s either that or spend the money to protect him.
Steelers LB T.J. Watt increased his sack total for the third straight year in a row. Due to notching 16.5 sacks, he continues to be above criticism. This is despite sporting a missed tackle percentage of over 10 percent, in every season of his career. If only there were some sort of clue about how to fix the defense…
The carriage turned back into a pumpkin, and the horses turned back into rats, as the Browns returned to reality and went 3 – 14 this year.
Somewhere out there is a desperate Browns fan, carrying a clear, platform shoe, and searching for Princess Odell.
Ravens K Justin Tucker’s rap/opera album “Come Kick It Wit’ Me” shot to the top of the Italian pop music charts this year. Sighting how he didn’t need this “NFL boll sheed no mo’ ”, Tucker announced his retirement. After which he flipped the double-bird, as he rode away barefoot in a kiddie pool, which was situated in the bed of an El Camino. There was no water in the pool.
NFC NORTH!
Raise your hand if you predicted the Lions going 14 – 3, getting a first round bye, and winning it all.
“It’s better than drinkable water!” was how one fan described the Detroit Lions Super Bowl parade. Thousands of fans came out to celebrate and cheer their team, not long before tens of thousands of muggers descended on both the fans and the players. The car-jacking of a parade float would be the low-point of the day, and perhaps the lowest in all of American history.
After a just barely failing to qualify for a wild card berth, a 9 – 8 Minnesota team is still unsure if they’re a bad team that frequently overachieves, or a good team that chokes at the slightest sign of true relevance.
As Chicago continues their search for a passer, Bears QB Justin Fields was traded to Buffalo for QB Mitch Trubisky. One Chicago football fan said “Eh, it’s good we went an’got a veteran quarterback now, ‘cause Fields played like a rookie. I mean, why din’t he just look at what Tommy Bradley does in Tampa, then come right out and copy exactly what he saw?How hard could dat be, right?? Anyways, Trubisky sounds like a good Polish name. It feels familiar. I like it.”
After another implosion in the second round of the playoffs, QB Aaron Rodgers is continuing to act like he’s doing Packers fans a favor, by allowing them to overpay him millions more than he’s ever truly deserved. Perhaps Green Bay should have double checked for a discount.
AFC WEST!
After not allowing fans in to SoFi Stadium at all in 2020, the LA Chargers opened their arms to their loyal, fickle, frequently disinterested fan base. In a stadium that seats 70,000, the Chargers drew an average of 28,000 to their games. Somewhere the ghost of Al Davis is laughing so hard, that he’s gasping for air.
Despite being heavily favored by odds-makers, the Raiders Super Bowl loss continues to confound people. Suddenly retired Raider QB Derek Carr, could not be reached for comment as he was out on his yacht. The gold one, not the one made entirely out of stacks of money. His agent Pete Rose also declined comment.
The Chiefs were expected to have a more difficult road, but no one thought they’d miss the playoffs. As a disciplinary measure for yet another violation of team player conduct policy, Andy Reid ate WR Tyreek Hill, prior to the final game of the preseason. When asked if he regretted having eaten the WR, coach Reid responded “Listen, you’d expect athlete meat to be tough, but Tyreek, he was something special. Didn’t even need a marinade. Wait. What was the question?”
The Denver Broncos are trying to decide whether to screw over either another old RB, or another young QB, during this offseason. Either way, it will most certainly cripple the team’s offense next year. Their fans of course, will again feel like they’ve been stabbed directly in the face, when the team spends their top pick on a WR.
NFC WEST!
The 49ers, who paid QB Jimmy Garoppolo 26M$ to sit and watch rookie QB Trey Lance have an up and down year, will still owe Garoppolo 27M$ next year. Worse yet, they likely have to endure at least one more year with him on the roster, as he won’t waive his no-trade clause. That is, unless he gets an offer he likes, from a team that won’t mind him throwing with his eyes closed. Still, the defense was good enough for the team to post a 10 – 7 record.
Seattle RB Rashaad Penny was surprised to learn that the team is declining to pick up his 5th year option. Penny was selected in the first round of the 2018 Draft, but didn’t get his first start until 2021. In that game, he had one carry for 8 broken tackles, and a 63 yard touchdown. It also resulted in a torn hamstring which ended his season. Tore it right off the bone! When asked whether Penny is “a bust”, GM John Schneider, shrieked, burst into tears, and attempted to answer questions. He however, couldn’t be understood through his high-pitched, racking sobs. Seattle predictably bowed out in the second round of the playoffs.
No matter how much talent Arizona adds, sub .500 is the best God will allow. In other news, QB Kyler Murray married the dancing hula girl on the dash board of J.J. Watt’s car.
It was a beautiful ceremony. When Murray stood on a chair to kiss his bride, there wasn’t a dry eye to be seen, according to Stevie Wonder, who was told that he was in attendance.
The Rams added a ton of weapons in the offseason, but neglected to help their offensive line. This led to QB Matt Stafford being lost for the year in Week Two, and also left the run game stuck in neutral since the preseason. Give you one guess what they’ll be taking with their first round pick this year. Oh wait! They won’t have a first rounder this year. Or next year. Dopes.
AFC SOUTH!
After partially tearing the meniscus in his right knee in training camp, it was quickly thought by both QB Carson Wentz and the Colts front office, that the smartest thing would be for Carson to just rest, relax and let that tear take 3 to 5 months to heal on its own. While the Eagles paid him 34 million dollars.
Though Wentz played only half the season, taking just under 50% of the snaps, the Colts almost rallied to make the playoffs, going 7 – 1 with Wentz starting. Pretty smart trade. Especially since Wentz didn’t count against the Colts 2021 salary cap.
On a roster that features RB’s David Johnson, Mark Ingram, and Phillip Lindsay, you probably would never guess who led the team in rushing yards. It was Texans QB Tyrod Taylor, who spent the season running for his goddamned life. In the hopes of not suffering another punctured lung, Taylor racked up a career best 836 yards. Meanwhile, R. Kelly is alleging that QB Deshaun Watson inappropriately… (No. I’m going to draw a line here. Gotta preserve a little class.)
WE WILL SUCK YOUR DICK!!!! That’s the Jaguars latest promotion to get people to come to the stadium. Lord knows no one wants to watch them play football. Look at all the upgrades! Super-fast WiFi, an impressive sound system, they put in a party deck, a pool… They’ve done everything they can to avoid improving the team. Now the team has executives slobbing knobs. And they’re all so bad at it! C’mon folks! More spit, less teeth. This is basic stuff!
The Titans were the favorite to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl, until QB Ryan Tannehill tore his Achilles in Week One, and QB DeShone Kizer “Soze” stepped in and killed the whole team. Kizer continued the 0 – 15 magic that he had in Cleveland, going 0 – 7 before being benched for QB Logan Woodside… who then promptly tore his ACL, meaning that Kizer would come back out, and finish the season. Kizer went 0 – 15 (again), even though he also lost the two games started by other QB’s.
NFC SOUTH.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have increased their reward for information about head coach Bruce Arian’s whereabouts. Police are looking at DT Ndamukong Suh as a person of interest because, well… Because he’s fucking Ndamukong Suh! I mean come on!
With the retirement of QB Drew Brees last year, the Saints 6 – 11 season shows that they have gone back to being the hapless, talent squandering, afterthoughts that have historically always been. Fans are taking it well, saying that their relevance was nice while it lasted.
The Falcons 5 – 12 record was predicted immediately after they traded WR Julio Jones to Tennessee last year. For a team with no defense, keeping Jones to go with their other weapons, would have made outscoring opponents easy. But Atlanta said “Fuck that!” and thew their easy button out of a tenth floor window. Nowwww look at them. Just look. SMDH.
Panthers RB Christian McCaffrey spent this season being 25 going on 35. Bouncing back from an injury, while being the focal point of an offense, with a QB trying to re-hab himself from having been a Jet, did no favors for McCaffrey. His 663 yards in 10 starts, will likely have the Panthers spending yet another late round draft pick on a RB, who is ill-suited to ever being a starter. Or a contributor. These guys just can’t learn.
AFC EAST!
The NFL finally made good on its threat to banish the Jets, who can no longer be referred to, as a “professional” football team. As the NCAA has not yet agreed to take them, the Jets have no official league designation yet. The CFL hasn’t offered a verbal or written response as to whether the Jets can seek asylum in Canada. However, the CFL’s pursed lips and side-eye, have offered a very strong hint about where they stand on the issue.
Bill Belichick has coached his last game for the Patriots. He is expected to take the job in Tampa Bay, after coach Bruce Arians suddenly went missing. QB Tom Brady is telling Congress that they cannot search his house.
Buffalo WR and anti-vaxxer Cole Beasley is recovering from the Delta variant of Covid-19. Luckily his access to the best medical treatment that NFL money can buy, put the odds for a full recovery, heavily in his favor. His wife Krystin however, was not an NFL employee. Get vaccinated.
After having changed his name from Jomal Wiltz to Jamal Perry in 2020, the IRS caught up with the Dolphins CB anyway. This goes to show, if you’re going to change your name, do it before you’re on television at least 17 times a year.
NFC EAST!!!
For the second year in a row, Washington won 7 games! While their 8 losses are fewer than the 9 from a year ago, their 2 ties offer little in the way of optimism. Because of that, there is currently a split in their fan base. Half of their fans argue that the 7 – 8 – 2 team, is an 8 – 8 team (“Because two half wins, equals one whole one. Dummy!”). Meanwhile, other half of their fan base sees the team as 7 – 8, and thus improved over 7 – 9 (“Because thems two ties cancels theyselves out. Stupid!”). Either way, the rest of us just see a degenerate, losing team that missed the playoffs.
The giants didn’t have to depend on a division rival to get to the playoffs this year, because they used StubHub! They got a great price, on great seats, and watched the Lions model the sort of franchise New York hopes to become. Maybe next year the giants won’t go 5 – 12, and they’ll qualify for a playoff berth on their own. Hey! The giants in the playoffs! Look at me! I got jokes!
The Cowboys went 12 – 5 and easily won their division. With a 5,000 yard passer, a 1,700 yard rusher, and THREE 1,000 yard receivers, right out of the gate, Dallas took the NFL by storm. Which is why their first round dismantling in the playoffs was so surprising. The 41 – 6 walloping at the hands of QB Joe Flacco, will forever be known in NFL circles as “The Dall-Ass Whipping”.
The Carson Wentz trade didn’t yield the Eagles a first round pick, and QB Jalen Hurtswas so bad that he was benched by Week Nine. Also, Head Coach Nick Sirianni retiring mid-season to join a professional Rochambeau league, didn’t surprise as many people as you’d think.
After which the hapless Eagles managed to rally and stumble into the playoffs as a wild card. At which point they utterly shelled the Cowboys 41 – 6, before losing to Detroit in the second round.
DISCLAIMER: If you use this article for gambling or betting purposes, you’re an idiot and your money is safer with other people. Don’t be dunce. Stop gambling on sports.
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