BACK in early April, I said the Eagles would be at least 9-7 and win the NFC East. Despite many people asking about my temperature and asking if I needed to lie down, I did not waver from my assertion. Despite the bizarre week or so leading up to the Draft, I didn’t waver. Despite the bizarre preseason that saw us trade away our starting QB, I didn’t buckle.

The Eagles now have 8 losses, and so now winning 9 games is out of the question this year. And don’t even ask about winning the division. That… that’s uhhh…uhh…well see what happened was…Hey man, I’m not on trial here! You know what, could we change the su-

Had I been right, it would have been the stuff of legend! “How did he see that?!” “How did he know?!” The crowd would gasp and murmur as I walked by, and reach out to touch me. They would point and whisper to their children “Look there, boy. There is the man who stuck to his guns! HE is him who said, nine and seven. Let us all bask in his glow.” Instead people now point and say “See that retard over there? Nine friggin’ wins he says! What a dupe. Hey moron! I got your nine wins, right here!” 

BUT, that’s the price you pay for swimming against the current, and until I’m right again (which will be soon!), I’ll have to wear this crown of shit. I could make a ton of excuses. I could. I really could. But I won’t. I will simply man-up, and eat it. I’ll admit it. I was wrr. I was wrrrr. I was WRRRRRR!

(Deep breath) I was wrong.

THAT HAVING BEEN SAID…