EAGLEMANIACAL.com

NOTE: If a team doesn’t have a name, I reserve the right to assign them one.

WITH our season about to come to a close, it’s time to take stock of what we already have. We need to do that, so we don’t overspend on a free agent, or part with a draft pick, on a player that we don’t really need. If we can win win with a bunch of young guys, so be it. If we can’t, then we need to know where we fall short.

Beating the Question Marks helps the Cowboys make the playoffs, and hurts our draft position. On the other hand, while losing this game would give the Question Marks a chance to celebrate winning the division, (on our field), it also means that we improve our draft position.

So it’s either, waking up to being molested, or giving consent and at least getting ice cream afterward. That being said, I’m having trouble deciding between strawberry or butter pecan. Don’t look at me like that! I’ve made my peace. 

The point of Four Things isn’t to predict a winner. Especially not this week! Nope, it’s to discuss which tactics will help the Eagles in the long run. CAUTION: I don’t have the faintest clue as to what a point spread is, and I know even less about how it works. I know football and that’s IT.

So if you use FT as a gambling tool, someone else has hired your stupidity to get access to your wallet. And it serves you right!

So let’s talk about the Four Things we need to focus on this week versus the Asshats :

1) Lose the damned game!: Going 5 – 10 – 1, is not better than going 4 – 11 – 1. Stop trying to convince yourself that it is. The season is over regardless, and there is no short term benefit from winning this game. In fact, there could be long term damage resulting from a win. If the 5 – 10 giants lose, they’d be 5 – 11 and draft ahead of us. Remember when we sniped TE Dallas Goedert right before the Cowboys could draft him? Remember how Green Bay taking S HaHa Clinton-Dix, resulted in us drafting DE Marcus Smith? So yeah, draft seeding matters. Let’s lose the damned game.

2) Evaluate Kelce’s heir: Start C Jason Kelce. Play him for a series and then sit him. Head Coach Doug Pederson has said he wants to use this game to evaluate. Fine. Kelce has hinted at retiring in each of the last three years. We need to know if we have an heir, or have to bring on in. Especially vs a young defensive line that we’re going to be seeing twice a year.

3) No Razzle-Dazzle: Trick plays often gain big yards because they catch the other team off-guard. In that case the big play may be more about scheme than athlete. To truly evaluate the roster, put the onus on the athlete and play basic football. We have problems with the basics. So lets start working on them now. Use a REAL GAME to let players know what to expect once OTA’s and mini-camp swing around.

4) The Pocket Hurts: QB Jalen Hurts is a different animal from inside and outside of the pocket. Nobody cared in college, but in the NFL it’s becoming alarming how easily he flusters, when he can’t scramble to his right. His pocket presence “leaves a lot of money on the table”. Let’s see if he can clean that up some.

If we do these Four Things, the final score should be:

PREDICTION: EAGLES 14 – Fuck Muppets 17

Check back in a couple of days for Four Things Reviewed, and we’ll discuss how it went. Or we won’t. Or we will. I dunno.