PHILADELPHIA has designed an unstoppable version of the QB Sneak. Initially, it was referred to as “Snoopy” by the Eagles players, However, since the Eagles didn’t make that known, others around the league, and media detractors of the play, pejoratively called it the “Tush Push”. So a few weeks later some of us fans began circulating the name “Brotherly Shove”, on-line and through word of mouth.

The name made it’s way to Head Coach Nick Sirianni’s ear, at his press conference on September 27^th. When Coach heard it, he closed his eyes and nodded his approval.

Soon after that, the Eagles began referring to the play, as the Brotherly Shove. Then on October 10^th, the organization filed a trademark application for the name.

While some assholes are still using ‘Tush Push’, that name is fading fast. What is not fading fast, is our opponents hatred of it. They see it, and can’t stop it. They try it, and can’t execute it. So now a number of teams have stomped their foot, shit their diapers, and wailed for the play to be banned outright. Awww, poor babies!

They want the NFL to ban it on the grounds that:

1) Someone could get injured running the play – This is based on the giants having two players injured on the same down, while trying to execute the play. It does not take into account, the flagrant stupidity of the giants as an organization. If you asked each man there, to conduct ten separate counts of his own balls, none of them would ever get the same number twice. So banning the Brotherly Shove on that merit, lacks any. Next!

2) Someone could get injured by the play – This is true. That could happen. This is, players also get hurt running regular QB Sneaks; or being tackled legally; or landing from a jump; and let’s not forget all those popped Achilles and ACL tears, which are nearly always the result of no contact plays. So players get hurt playing Football. So quitcherbitchin. Next!

3) Players shouldn’t push the ball carrier from behind – The fuck?! Literally every game you or I have ever seen or played in (involving helmets and pads), has featured a pile being pushed from behind. Seriously, I don’t know how they ban the play based on this, without changing all of Football, and how linemen are coached from Pop Warner, through the Hall of Fame.

4) It’s an ugly play – So is every play run by Washington!

5) It’s more of a Rugby scrum than a football play – STOP!! ! This is some of the most rank bullshit I’ve seen propagated on America, since Little Caesar’s was promoted as food. It’s taking advantage of the fact that most Americans have never seen a game of Rugby, and so don’t know what an actual ‘scrum’ looks like. (I’ve watched it, and even considered joining a local league in my late 30’s.) Here’s an example of a scrum:

Notice the arm and head placements? Now here’s how it usually moves:

The Brotherly Shove looks nothing like those. However, what the Shove has going for it, is that it is clearly a throwback to Football’s Rugby roots. For those who don’t know, Football was invented around 1870, as a refined version of Rugby. The forward pass wasn’t introduced until 1906. So Football looked a lot like Rugby, or Australian Football for almost 40 years.

I do watch Aussie “footy” when I can get it. The West Coast Eagles for mostly obvious reasons.

I hate Collingswood because they dress like a team of referees. Incidentally, that sport is also born of Rugby, but it has more Soccer mixed in it. You might actually like it if you stumble across it.

The Brotherly Shove is literally Football returned to it’s beginnings. It’s gone caveman. It’s what happens when Football gets in touch with it’s roots. Gets barefoot, butt naked, and runs in the bush. The Brotherly Shove is primal. It’s hunter gatherer. It’s a fistfight in a phone booth. It’s an 11 man, 3,000 pound masculinity check, that nearly every opponent fails, every time.

And that’s the real reason why they want it banned.