EARLY this morning in Bull Shed, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Charles “Chip” Kelly went on chainsaw swinging spree that left 8 dead and 6 wounded.

Several of the leprechauns murdered are said to have been members of the porn industry. Or the clergy. I can’t really remember which because I was high. Correction: Still AM high. Or is the term wasted?

High, wasted…why are they called different things if they can both result in your car getting tooken?  I typed ‘tooken’ and fuckin auto correct corrected it to ‘token’. Which I needed when my car was tooken. IT DID IT again!

Re-cap: Chip Kelly made leprechauns into steaks and my car is gone. I can’t wait til I get home because my cat needs brushing today.