WANNA hear a joke? The Eagles are going go be smart, aka careful, with QB Carson Wentz.

Here we are at the beginning of OTA’s (Organized Team Activities) and Wentz has been medically cleared to resume being a QB, which means no limitations stemming from the rehab of a stress fracture of the vertebrae in his back.

Wentz’s injury was a different kind of fracture from the transverse process fracture that QB’s Cam Newton, Derek Carr and Tony Romo played through, and more akin to the one that QB Matt Stafford played through last year. (FYI: While Wentz would have preferred to play, it was the organization that decided to shut him down for the season. They then subsequently cleaned house regarding three key members of the medical staff. Somebody fucked up.)

With Wentz being fully healed, the team is going to be careful with him. By which they mean, they will let him get the shit kicked out of him, like any other NFL QB. What else could they mean? He (like the other QB’s) is already wearing a red jersey in practices. So he already can’t be hit. 

Mind you, this isn’t me complaining! I’m all for it. This is his gig. We need him to be able to do his job. I like the idea that we aren’t putting a skirt on him. I just think it’s hilarious when any football coach or front office type, says they’re going to be “careful” with a player.

“See those 11 guys? Well they want this ball, and are willing to kill whoever is holding it, to get it. So here, you take it. Then try to throw it accurately to a track star, running away from his own assailant. Just take what they give you, but impose your will. And hurry, ‘cause you’ll only have 4 seconds. Or 3. Maybe less. Fingers crossed, right? But don’t rush your reads. And don’t forget about your blindside. Now go! And remember Doc, Keeeep Smiling!”

Because you know. Careful.

So yeah. The team is going to be SMART. Gonna be careful with the Carson. Not gonna let anything happen to the Carson. Now we’re being careful. Because apparently, we weren’t already being careful with our franchise QB. Wait. What? Nope. Nope! You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. We’re being careful now. That’s our thing now. Now it matters because…..Arrrrgh! Fuck it. Just go with it. Just go limp and ride it out. Be a fan. I can do this. I survived Chip Kelly. I can do this. I can do this.

Oh Eagles. Even when it’s good news, you can still manage to make me want to chew Brillo. That’s how you know it’s love.