CAN we all stop fighting over football for a moment to do something truly noble? Remember MC Hammer? “It’s All Good”, “Two Legit to Quit”, “Turn This Mutha Out” MC Hammer? We all knew he’d fallen on hard times, but I didn’t think it had quite come to this.
Now don’t get me wrong. If Command Strip offered me a bunch of money to be in their commercial, I’d do it too. But to do it as an act of pissing on the already burning pile of my life’s work? I’d probably have an attack of basic frigging dignity, and decline their offer. Unless it had already come to scrounging meals from garbage cans.
….Okay so maybe it’s already come to that for him. That’s why I’m proposing the Save MC Hammer Fund. For less than the price of a 76er’s playoff win, you could keep Stanley Whatshisname, from having to to do shit like this…
to keep the lights on in his efficiency. (See him there, holding up his pants? SMH.)
So won’t you please send in as little as $200 to try to make sure something like this never happens again. We couldn’t save Bruce Willis from his “Bruno” phase and those Seagram’s wine cooler commercials. But maybe, just maybe we can intervene here, before Hammer is seen in a commercial hawking nails (“Yo man, these nails are PROPER!”) before the Crucifixion.
NOTE: Please do not actually send me any money. If you do it will be put towards the purchase of some Command Strips.
EAGLEMANIACAL.com 